You Will Be Ok.
Dear Narcissistic Abuse Survivor.
I would like you to know that you are not alone.
That over the course of the upcoming days, weeks, months and maybe even years, your mind is going to try and figure out what you went through.
You will spend countless hours thinking about your Narcissist.
I want to warn you that you have never missed anyone the way you are going to miss him.
I also want you to know that your Abuser is likely to come back for more.
I want you to know that the person that they are with now is going through or is going to go through heaps of abuse.
I want you to know that you will feel love for your Narcissist, potentially until you die.
I want you to know that you will probably not have feelings as intense for another human being for the rest of your life.
I want you to know that those feelings were created by A Master Manipulator.
I want you to know that untangling yourself from this Monster will be the most challenging experience of your life.
You will have days where he will haunt every crevice of your mind and possess every waking thought.
You will want to give up.
You will want to contact him.
You will be sick of yourself.
You will ask yourself if you are going insane.
You will ask yourself if you are A Narcissist.
Sleep will be Evasive.
You will wish that he was someone else.
You will wonder if he has changed.
You will talk about him to anyone who will listen.
Then you will try to pretend that you have never met him.
You will have good days where no contact seems effortless.
You will have days where you are white knuckling your phone and fighting yourself not to text or contact him.
You will pray that he never contacts you again.
You will pray to hear his voice once more.
You will regret everything that you gave up for your Narcissist.
Sometimes you will feel like if he just come back, you would be willing to give up more.
You will learn to pray.
You will learn to stop praying.
You will cry yourself to sleep.
Trudge through your day.
Imagine him next to you.
Look at your phone.
Stare out of your window ,, waiting.
You will wait for time to do it’s thing.
Time doesn’t have it’s way like it has at the end of every other relationship.
You start to panic.
You feel like you will drown in your own sorrow.
Hope becomes your enemy.
Longing becomes your companion.
You look at his picture.
You check your phone.
You block your phone.
You look over your shoulder and wonder will he be there or are you hopeful?
Are you Forlorn?
You go to a therapist who may or may not understand.
You gain weight.
You lose weight.
You hate yourself.
He ghosted you, showed up at your door, asked you out, sent you flowers, told you he was done with the new supply, told you that he wants to die because he is without you or that you are heartless for leaving.
Your sleep becomes more fitful or you sleep too much.
You throw yourself into work.
You go back.
Then you start over and you do it again.
Until you have had enough.
Until your life becomes as cyclical, meaningless and vacuous as his and you are tired of it.
This is normal.
You go no contact or grey rock.
You find other survivors.
Your sleep becomes more restful.
You trade in hope for acceptance of reality.
You accept that pain is a part of things.
You are thankful for moments of peace.
You have longer periods of self reliance.
You decide if it is just you for the rest of your life ,, It’s Enough.
You realise you are enough.
Enough is Enough.
You kiss your demons goodbye.
And await the arrival of your Angels.
You realise they never departed.
You are grateful to have survived.
You are so grateful.
You are ok.