Healing Begins When …
Healing is a process and ironically frequently hurts even though things are getting better.
True healing begins the moment we see the situation, the lies, manipulations, the toxic behaviour for what it truly is and it hurts at first.
It’s easy to see why denial is a common reaction to that realisation.
The pain ends however when the Cognitive Dissonance ends.
When you finally reach the acceptance stage of the grieving process.
That part of your mind tugging at your heart that conflicts what you know vs. what you feel.
The wistful desires for the fantasy of your hopes so painfully dashed is the source of heartache in dealing with a Narcissist.
Not the reality of the person who is lying, cheating and manipulating you.
The person who not only doesn’t love you, but lives to take advantage of you, chip away at your esteem and doesn’t care.
That person isn’t hard to walk away from, it is the person you thought he was turning out to be complete fiction despite what you thought was your best judgment.
You may start healing on another, even deeper level when you forgive yourself for any bad choices you may have made which tend to be much clearer in retrospect.
Personally, this has been one of my hardest obstacles.
In my experience, I think I subconsciously held on to hope as a form of denial because I was afraid that the acceptance of reality was going to be unbearable.
It actually turned out to be enormously liberating and healing when I finally lost that hope of what I thought could be or was, in my distorted perspective of reality, true.
It actually ends the hurt to let hope go.
There is freedom and growth in recognising that at any moment, your choices can change the outcome of your story.
That you can change yourself, become self aware, and are not the sum total of whatever emptiness that made that fantasy you thought was reality in hindsight so appealing at the time.
The healing is perhaps final when we can say we are indifferent toward the Narcissist.
That indifference is perhaps a form of forgiveness.
So when people say it’s healing to forgive, I think this is what they mean.
Letting go and moving upward and onward and reflecting with awareness, but not anger, not pain and not disappointment.
Working through all that so there is no holding on to anything that is weighing future progress down or taking up rent-free real estate in our hearts and minds.
The day that happens is an awareness that often comes without warning, a silent moment noticed as an aside.
That moment when you recognise there is peace whereas before, there was emptiness and pain.
When you stop denying the Abuse and stand up against your Narcissist.
You start healing when you figure them out and see through their void self.
You start healing when you realise that it was never about you and you NEVER deserve to be treated like a disposable toy.
You start healing when you listen to that little voice inside you that says, “enough! walk away“.
You start healing when you face them and can see behind their mask.
You start healing when you are able to forgive yourself for choosing to stay with them for so long.
And you start winning when you remove them out of your life!
As soon as it hurts more to stay then it does to go, the healing begins.
The Abused will stay in the Abusive relationship trying to fix it until too much damage is done and too much pain to stay is doled out.
Only when the Abuse is ended can the healing begin.