It’s That Simple.
I tied myself into knots trying to figure out why he didn’t want me.
I thought that somehow it’s meant to be when the reality was if he was my person he would have been here next to me.
There’s no rhyme or reason when it comes to love.
Sometimes it seems that we love the ones who don’t love us or turn away those who are offering it.
If someone is meant for me and if he’s my one person then he will stay.
He will stay despite the challenges, despite the obstacles and he will work through whatever it takes in order to keep me in his life.
If he doesn’t then he was just one more lesson pointing the way to my forever person.
It all began because I romanticise love.
I had the notion that love must be worked for, earned and in some ways struggled to receive.
I took in story lines that love is work and that I have to be willing to stick it out and to sacrifice in order to actually get to that finish line and have the relationship that I know I deserve.
But all of this was meant to keep me in cycles.
Cycles in which I perpetually gave more than I received.
Cycles in which I bartered with his emotionally unavailability in order to have someone in my life rather than just simply letting go and trusting that the universe always brings those into my life who are meant to be there.
I wanted him to be my person so deeply that I lied to myself in order to not give up or to keep me from having to admit that I was wrong about him.
I mourned my love to him when he left, when he treated me badly and even when he ghosted me altogether thinking that somehow I have lost the love of my life and my chance to be happy forever.
I won’t actually have to wait for anyone.
I also won’t have to wrack my brain trying to figure out why he left and I won’t have to dwell on how to get him back.
If someone doesn’t want me then it’s because he isn’t my person ,, It’s that simple.
Love does have a tendency of coming back and no one is perfect.
Not everyone knows what they want even when it’s right in front of them.
And we aren’t all healed enough to enter into a relationship that would encourage our highest selves.
But even in that very moment when he walks away is when I need to remind myself that he isn’t my person.
I need to forgive.
I need to look at myself more closely.
I need to do my own work and also to leave my heart open so that I can be ready for love when it comes knocking again.
A Relationship isn’t about trying to figure out how to get the attention of anyone.
It isn’t about how to make him start treating me the way I deserve to be treated.
And it isn’t even about trying to open his eyes to how much I love him.
A Relationship is about letting each person simply be who they really are.
If he can choose me without any convincing or without any games only then will it ever be an authentic choice for him and an authentic love for both of us.
When love didn’t work out and my heart was broken, it was natural to want those good feelings back and to want the wounds to heal.
But many times in life that isn’t what is meant to happen.
If I considered that only one relationship is actually supposed to last forever then it means a heck of a lot aren’t supposed to at all.
And the worst thing that I could do is somehow think that it’s a reflection upon myself or that he who walked away was my person and now I’m destined for unhappiness.
Instead I can choose to approach the severing of a connection or a breakup for what it is.
A decision made by another individual who is trying to make choices that he thinks are right.
It doesn’t mean I have to agree but it also doesn’t mean that I have to take it personally.
Yet I used to do because I believed that love is as personal as it gets.
If I can have faith that my person whomever that is would never leave me and would never walk away then I can shorten the time that it takes to get over a breakup and heal.
I can be confident that my person is still out there.
That I haven’t lost my chance to love.
That this ending is really a good thing because it means that I’m one step closer to finding my person and finding the one who has been dreaming of someone just like me.
But there’s no shortcut to finding my forever love.
There are definite lessons that I needed to go through and this was perhaps one of the most difficult lessons I had to learn.
The sooner I could understand that if he doesn’t want me, if he isn’t calling or texting, apologising or trying to work things out then he simply isn’t my person and that’s ok.
It’s ok that I have loved and it ended because it’s not my last chance to find love.
Instead it’s the moment that I’m set free to find what I have known all along to be what I deserve.
A love that wants me and chooses me just as fiercely as I will choose it.