A Letter To The Man Who Broke My Heart ,, To You SY.
Words are beautiful to produce so I allow my fingers to move about in a rhythmic and rather therapeutic manner.
These movements then deliver my thoughts and emotions into the minds of human beings who can’t be reached by the sound of my voice.
I think it’s time for me to start understanding that you are now just one of those people.
So here are a few words to the man I no longer know and not sure if I ever did.
Let me explain to you what it feels like to be told you are perfect in every way and will always be taken care of.
Let me convey the emotions that rip through a young woman like myself when she is convinced she is someone’s blessings.
Let me express the hope and loyalty that is instilled inside of a girl who built up wall after wall only to feel as though they were peacefully torn down by a man who pulled her deeply into his love.
I can’t formulate those emotions into words the same way I can’t describe the way it felt to have you rip that all to pieces.
I want you to know that I loved you, I loved you through every emotional part of the rollercoaster you have brought into my life.
I loved you on the days that you were pleasant and kind and also the days you were unrecognisable to me.
I loved you through the changing circumstances and the rapid movement of time.
I even loved you when you decided that you didn’t love me anymore.
I think a part of me still loves you while I sit here in the darkness, face hot with tears and disillusionment.
But what I want you to know most is that I still love myself and I still know what love really is.
The difference between you and I is that my love is unwavering.
It is a love that is deep inside of my soul and gives restoration to my faith in other people.
It is a love that I was taught when I was a little girl.
People in this world are going to hurt me. They have and they will again.
They will love me and they will hate me. Sometimes they will do both as you have decided to do.
You have shattered my heart but you have not shattered my love.
Love is not something that is cast aside and broken.
It is something that resides safely inside each and every one of us if we choose to recognise it.
It is a tool for forgiveness and strength.
It is faith when we lose it in humanity.
It is being able to see our own beauty and potential even when others make those things feel non existent.
Love is a perpetual joy that saves us when all hope feels lost.
Love is not something that you can take from me.
You broke my heart but you did not break my love.
I know you have it too, deep inside of you, and my love allows me to genuinely hope that you will understand it one day.
There are no simple letters written about simple heartbreaks, there is only one simple concept and that is that love is the most powerful entity in the world.
So I will probably allow a few more tears to fall down tonight in your honour.
I will most likely shed more when I listen to a song we used to sing or see something I know would make you smile.
But I will be OK, I will be OK because the love inside of me is strong and true.
I will be OK because no matter how many people trample on my heart, they will never take my love.
No one can, not even you.
You decided you wanted me out of your life, out of the picture you once painted to me with such beautiful words.
You just left and never looked back and for days I was playing that moment over and over in my mind, wondering what I did wrong or if I could have changed things.
I spent days thinking perhaps I was the issue.
I was trying to make sense of the whole situation.
I was trying to address my madness with a rational approach.
But when it comes to the heart and to feelings, nothing ever makes sense.
So instead of fighting my emotions, I embraced them.
I surrendered to the pain, to the tears, to the anger and learnt to see the beauty in my brokenness.
Today, past the haziness of the initial painful days I have accepted the fact that what was is not anymore and it is finally time to move on.
I have accepted that you can’t stretch seasons and when a season is over whatever it brought into your life also comes to an end.
When you left I was broken, a brokenness I never in a million years thought I could ever survive.
It was painful, it was unbearable some days, but every morning I was able to open my eyes and breathe was a reminder that I was not built to break.
I was still alive, thriving and determined to get through this.
Every morning I woke up, I reminded myself that no matter how long it would take, one day I would be ok.
Then one day I thought perhaps I wasn’t really broken.
Perhaps you just made a crack in my Heart and in my Soul so that the Light could get in.
I thought I would never make it or never really recover from it but here I am, smiling again and ready to fight for my life because that is what I have always done and that is what I will keep on doing until my last breath.
So Thank you, Thank you for allowing me to realise that there is a life after you.
Thank you for reminding me that I could do it on my own and if not, I could rely on people who have my back and love me unconditionally for who I am.
Thank you for reminding me that I don’t have to earn anybody’s love and that I shouldn’t have to compete with anybody else or beg for attention and loyalty.
Thank you for reminding me that I shouldn’t have to compromise for love or lower my standards because somebody who loves me will step up to it all.
Thank you for reminding me that I am beautifully flawed, imperfect and yet perfectly loved by an awesome and a wonderful God and if my flaws are enough for HIM, they are surely enough for any man who loves me enough to fight for me.
Thank you for reminding me that if I can love the wrong man so much, I can certainly love the right man God is preparing for me even more.
Thank you for reminding me that I need to love myself a little bit more and rely a little bit less on someone else to fill a void that only I can fill.
Hadn’t you left, I would have never found my way back to myself.
Thank you for reminding me that I am more than enough and no matter how hard it was for you to love me, I will always be enough and worth being loved for the people who TRULY love me.
For now, I am wearing my pain like my heels and building myself from scratch and I will rise again because that’s what I have always done, but most importantly because I was not built to break.