After All This Time,,
I always wondered when and if I would never hear your name again.
Days turned to months that quickly turned to years and people in my life began to forget you.
Your name that used to fill a lot of conversations between my friends got replaced by other people who also came and left.
The difference was their absence didn’t affect me the way yours did.
The difference was with every person that came into my life there was no denying that you were still there taking up a bit of my heart.
Yes you were not physically there but emotionally you never left me.
And without saying it I couldn’t deny what my heart wanted.
There was always that silent hope that you would find your way back to me after all this time.
And between the crowds it was you I looked for wanting and fearing the moment when our eyes will meet.
Wondering if you still remember and if you even care.
Wondering if you have moved on with your life like I was supposed to.
I would see someone with a back that looked like you and my heart flips for a moment or two until he turns and it was some stranger I didn’t want to be.
In everyone I crossed paths with I thought of you and looked for you in them
The truth was the only proof that you existed in my life came in the form of old pictures and messages that I didn’t let go of.
But more than that everything about you resided hidden in a broken heart that never gave up hope.
I would be awoken in the night as you met me in my dreams for that was the closest I would ever get to see you.
I would wake up in a cold sweat wondering how easy was it for you to end it all.
For some reason I can never forgive myself or forgive you for any of it.
I know things ends but what if when an ending comes you know in your heart it wasn’t supposed to?
What do you do when you just know that his part in your story isn’t over yet?
Whenever I’m asked if I will hear from him again I always reply by I hope so.
How am I still holding on after all this time and the truth is that I really don’t know?
But what I do know was love is strong enough to overcome any odds that could be stacked against you and you could come out winning.
That is all I knew about love and that is enough for me.
They say things come back to you when you least expect it.
I had moved on with my life but no matter where I go or what I do there is something about the past that stays with me.
There is something about the people I love that I took with me in my heart along the way.
The days of crying over someone’s absence is in the past and I couldn’t even remember it anymore.
I look at my reflection and occasionally would think of you because the best parts of me have a lot to do with you.
And there were moments I had wished you knew the person I have become.
The truth is I don’t think I will ever be able to stop loving you.