Closure!

If you were involved with a Narcissist, then probably you have spent an unusal amount of time chasing the ever elusive closure from him after you went your separate ways.

You likely feel a burning need within for this closure.

Why did he hurt me so much?
Did he ever love me at all?

In a healthy relationship we usually get some answers.

Maybe not in the moment of breaking up if feelings run high.

But when things have settled we can usually talk it through and there is usually some sort of understanding and mutual respect.

In a Narcissistic relationship we want closure and we want to have a healthy conversation about what went wrong.

This is never going to happen ever.

Simply because it is not in the interest of the Narcissist.

He wants to keep us forever hooked, wondering, ruminating, obsessing, hurt and longing.

This gives him the most delicious source of supply.

He may claim to want to be friends but not acting like that at all.

He may promise all kinds of changes which will never materialise.

Whatever he says, you will soon notice it is like the conversation had never happened.

It is said by most connoisseurs of Narcissists, that they in fact do not possess neither empathy or remorse.

Without those why would he ever care about giving you closure?

When it is much more beneficial for him to keep you on the hook.

Like a defenceless fish wriggling on his hook, gasping for air and fighting for life while he sits there and watch.

Be especially aware of what is going on inside you.

Ask yourself the tough questions, Do you really want closure, one conversation and leave it at that?
Or are you secretly hoping that the Narcissist will wake up, change and heal your relationship?

If so, I would say you are in grave danger if you are with a Narcissist.

Just ask yourself, Is this how a normal, healthy relationship works?
Does a normal relationship entail you having to hunt down a person because he is giving you the silent treatment?
Just be honest with yourself.

Is your secret wish that he will make amends so you can take him back.

If this is the situation then you need to get real with yourself.

Ask yourself, Why do I want a person in my life who treats me with disrespect?
Why is it that I don’t think I deserve better than that?

Closure with a Narcissist is like searching for The Holy Grail, you just feel it has to be right around the corner!
You are so close to getting it, to finally being free!
But, you can waste your whole life searching for a fantasy or you can live your life, instead and find true love.

The one you don’t have to chase and won’t turn you into a nervous wreck.

Just think about How many times have you tried getting closure with a Narcissist?

How long is it going to go on this quest for this Holy Grail of yours while the days, weeks, months, ultimately years of your life are wasted on a hopeless mission?

After the Narcissist relationship was over, I waited one year to get closure from him.

It must have been about 100 different tries.

None of us know for a fact if we get more lives than the one we have right now.

The truth is, with a decent person if you give them a couple of times to explain themselves and apologise genuinely is usually enough.

And if they don’t, we usually leave if there are too many issues in the relationship.

It’s only with Narcissists that we can’t leave until we get closure because we are so enmeshed in their dysfunction that we don’t see clearly that we already have all the evidence we need.

We will  never get closure from Narcissists.
We must give it to ourselves.
We know what happened.
We know how he hurt us without regrets and without conscience.

That is all we need to know.
Now, we are too busy to look for a Holy Grail.

Because we have got some healing to do.

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