Does He Miss Me? Does He Regret What He Did? Does He Ever Think Of Me?
Those questions have taken up more of my time and brain power than I can ever think.
I will be comfortable enough to admit it.
If I would have taken a fraction of the time that I have spent pondering those questions to learn a new language, I could have written this post in seven different languages by now.
You think I’m kidding but I know you know I’m serious or you wouldn’t be reading this right now.
You have gone through a horrible, traumatic breakup with an emotionally unavailable Man that broke your heart and whether you have done enough things to cause drama or embarrassment, you have stopped communicating and are in no contact.
The WORST, right?
You don’t want to hear from him but then again you do.
You so do.
It is like a drug and you are going through the most excruciating withdrawals.
Every day that you don’t hear from him feels like an eternity and with every minute that passes it is another dig deeper into the self blame.
Your self esteem diminishes and you start to question your worth because if you were good enough, he would have reached out by now.
He would have done something.
You never thought he could just cut you off so easily.
You are in pain and doing the best you can to get through every hour without losing it.
You are not a Justin Bieber fan but all of a sudden your life has become the living version of “Where Are You Now?”
Every time you hear a text message alert or you hear your phone ring, your heart races and you think just for a millisecond, “Maybe it is him?”
I was pretty much over the pain and had accepted the fact that I would never talk to him again but I have to admit that I still wondered.
Does he miss me? Does he regret what he did? Does he think about me?
I would ask anyone that was willing to listen and that I thought was dumb enough and inclined to tell me exactly what I wanted to hear because my heart couldn’t handle hearing what my gut already knew.
Fast forward to a lot of tears, heartbreaks and enough pain to sink the Titanic later, I now have a much better understanding of it all.
So you want to know if he missed you? Is he regretting what he did? How can he be thinking about you and not reaching out? Is he even thinking of you?
First we need to translate what Does he miss me? Does he regret what he did?” means,
Does the emotionally unavailable, Narcissistic Devil that was consistently unable to respect me and be faithful to me, finally see that he was wrong in his lies and the way he treated me?
Does he miss me enough to want to change his ways?
You are doing nothing more than looking for validation to,
Continue to be tied to the relationshit that was, remain invested in the hope that he is the Man that he was for a hot second in the beginning instead of the fucktard that he not only revealed himself to be but that he is consistent at being.
Missing someone that you were close to and intimate with is totally normal, it means that you are human and that you have blood pumping through your veins.
Get a pen and paper, sit down and ask yourself why do you miss him.
More often than not that amazing Man that I thought was the one and that I was so missing wasn’t what I was really missing at all.
I was missing the passion, being the one he chose, the dream of him being the one I found my happily ever after with and that he is changing for me.
Most of everything that I missed was my projections.
I was convinced that the amazing, loyal, respectful, emotionally available Prince Charming that he was in the beginning was going to come back out at any moment.
People don’t change, they show you who they are over time.
So getting back to the questions,
Does he misses you? Does he regret what he did?
Yes, he thinks of you.
ESPECIALLY if you were the one to cut him off.
Yes, he does miss you and yes he does regret what he did.
And I’m not just saying that and I’m not fooling you.
The thing with emotionally unavailable men, they will THINK OF YOU when you cut them off, they will MISS YOU in the sense that they miss what you provided since they are all about themselves and unable to empathise or connect emotionally and it is all about what they can get out of and gain from people, relationships and situations.
He will REGRET that he doesn’t have you around as an option any longer.
He will NEVER REGRET the way you and I would hope for because true regret will always include remorse.
And that would require something called maturity, emotional availability and being able to objectively examine his actions for what they are so that evolution and actual growth can take place.
His disconnection will never allow that.
This is the extent to which they can “miss” and “regret” and you, your future, your destiny, and your precious and short time on this planet deserves SO MUCH MORE than a passive and a disconnected “missing.”
Here are just SOME of the reasons that he will, at some point “miss you”:
• He misses the you that listened to all of his problems, made everything about him, helped him and supported him in every way no matter how poorly he treated you or how non mutual the relationshit was.
• He misses the you that was his biggest fan.
• He misses the easy, minimal effort to attain your forgiveness.
• He misses the you that believed he was God’s gift to humanity.
• He misses the you that always tried to understand him, please him and excuse his poor behaviour and lack of respect.
• He misses the you that blamed herself for his hurtful behaviour.
Accepting any of those bullet points above as the kind of “missing” you deserve is like saying you want to get a tattoo just so you can experience what it feels like.
The effects to both your ego, your self esteem and your skin will be permanent.
I get that you have lost your ego because you are feeling rejected but if you keep seeking validation from someone that isn’t even able to give any to himself, you are going to end up always looking to other people and possessions to dictate your worth.
This also sets you up for not trusting yourself.
You will then need others to validate your observations and decisions because you will be in a state of fear based paralysis in your life and wonder why nothing ever works out for you.
If he REALLY misses you in the kind of way that you deserve to be missed, you will know and not have any doubt about it.
If he is going to miss you he will ACT like it.
He won’t send a text, email or passively “like” one of your photos so you can spend the next week analysing the why’s.
He will ACT upon it.
It won’t matter if you have cut him off or if you have blocked him on everything.
If he misses you the way that you need and deserve to be missed, he will find a way to get in touch.
Don’t get discouraged because it is not happening.
Imagine if you and I went to a pet store and I asked to hold a baby kitten.
Then when we sat down in the play area and held the cat, I started making a huge scene yelling, screaming and being heartbroken and offended because I thought that the cat would bark and it keeps meowing.
Your Narcissist is a cat and guess what?
Expecting him to miss you in the way that you deserve and to come back to the table as a fucktard no more is as ludicrous as expecting the cat to bark and thinking that it just doesn’t know any better because “it’s a kitten.
It’s NEVER GOING TO BARK so stop wasting your time.
Just like an I’m sorry, an I miss you, coming from an emotionally unavailable Narcissist AT BEST, can be translated to one of the bullet points above, It will never mean I have changed.
That takes accountability, connectedness, empathy and action.
Getting over this and moving on is going to take something called boundaries and ceasing to tie your worth to the cat not barking.
“Does he misses you? Does he regret what he did?”
Yes but no but yes but no but who cares?!
Replace your sadness with anger and eventually that anger will be replaced with indifference.
Remember, hate is not the opposite of love.
When there is hate feelings are still embedded.
Indifference is the opposite of love and indifference is the ultimate liberation.
I know that you can’t just shut your feelings off for someone like a light switch but you can start to love yourself.
That was my turning point, the moment where I realised that it wasn’t me he was after, he was after a RESPONSE from me because he felt out of control after I had cut him off.
It had more to do with his own ego and image than it ever had to do with any genuine love or for missing me.
This is why I always say, If you want an emotionally unavailable guy to have one clue of what he put you through, CUT HIM OFF.
It will get him in the only place it will ever hurt since he lacks empathy, his ego.
You are worth so much more than someone that just “misses” you from afar while shitting their emotional shorts.
Be with someone that’s committed and that will love you NOW and FOREVER.
Be with someone that is willing to, if need be, address his issues right away because the thought of not being with you and having to miss you for real is not something that he ever wants to feel or deal with.
That’s what you deserve.
If, however the Narcissist has initiated the “No Contact”, well I hate to tell you this but you are on his time table.
He knows that his No Contact is driving you insane.
It is the control that he has over you and this is one thing the Narcissist loves.
You will simply drive yourself crazy trying to get him to respond to your calls, texts or emails.
And you will only anger the Narcissist further by trying to make contact with him.
When he does finally make contact with his victim, that victim will experience a ‘brutal’ devalue and discard once again.
The whole idea of No Contact is to get away from the Narcissist.
Once you break the spell that the Narcissist has over you and you get out of the fog, you will find how clear your thinking is.
Your heart will slowly heal from the abuse that you have suffered.
But you will be suffering through a period of sometimes severe grief.
Allow yourself to grief, after all you have lost the man you loved more than anything.
Allow yourself to grief the loss of that man but once you move on NEVER allow yourself to look back again.