Does Holding On To Anger Hamper Our Healing?
Absolutely however the anger and resentment we feel is completely normal.
Having said that, when I was discarded I knew something had to change in me.
He was taking up too much space in my brain.
The anger I felt for what he had done to me and what I have allowed him to do to me was overwhelming.
I learnt that forgiveness is a wonderful tool.
I learnt to forgive myself and it did set me free.
It’s an ongoing process not a one time thing.
I found myself letting go of what I couldn’t control.
He started to take far less space in my brain and in my daily thoughts.
I’m less angry now and I became a much happier person.
I will never forget and will never let my guard down.
He doesn’t deserve my forgiveness and he will never know what does it mean.
I knew that I had to regain who I used to be and so I did.
It’s a hard truth and when I take a look at the hard truth it hurts.
I wanted so badly for this to not be real.
There’s nothing wrong with crying or feeling sad for the loss.
It’s like losing him to death.
And if that’s what you have to do to heal then do it because it’s better than being stuck.
I didn’t want to feel stuck in my self doubt, anger, humiliation or false pride.
I didn’t want to feel anything towards him whether it’s love or hate.
So it’s not hampering but perhaps delaying your healing process but that’s ok because you are healing in your own way and at your own pace.
At times you will be consumed with rage but it’s part of the process.
Now I’m disappointed because the truth and clarity I have been praying for, for the last three years, while I was hanging on to love and hope is dropping into my lap, bit by bit and piece by piece.
I already knew most of it but some of it was shocking.
You have yet to get past the pain and dissonance.
It’s been a pendulum with you knowing the truth by intuition but having no proof.
When you are ready to let go, you will.
So will all of us.
It’s different for each one of us.
I don’t mean to say that what I have done is right for all of us because it isn’t.
When you are satisfied with your justice, he won’t exist in your memories.
Each one of us had to process what happened through tremendous pain and traumatic shock.
Holding onto anger to the point of never-ending consumption is never be healthy but denying the emotions you are passing through isn’t either.