Don’t Lose Heart, You Are Healing.
You will get over him.
You will get him off your mind.
It will take as long as it takes because there is no time frame for healing.
We are all different and have been injured and scarred in a similar and in a different ways by our Narcissist.
A key to healing is to accept this fact.
Take it a day at a time, be assured that it is temporary and it will pass.
Don’t put pressure on yourself.
You are healing from A Trauma.
Allow yourself to heal and don’t rush your healing process.
Narcissists are so very adept at love bombing and tactical in their devaluing which starts very gradually followed by affection, approval and attention.
Followed by increased criticism, affection, approval and attention.
Then again followed by harsher criticism, abuse, devaluing and more affection, approval and attention.
The cycle never ends and it is random, meaning there is no set amount of time for each phase.
This randomness destabilises us even more and we never knows what’s around the corner hence we are constantly walking on eggshells.
The brain literally becomes rewired by this wheel of Abuse.
Our limbic systems are not equipped to handle the alternating flood of dopamine, oxytocin, endorphins which is the love bombing biochemicals, followed by the cortisol, adrenaline and norepinephrine stress and anxiety chemicals.
This forms a biochemical brain trap and is the foundation of A Trauma Bond, which is the main reason why many of us struggle so much to let go, move on and get The Narcissist out of our head.
Gavin de Becker, Author of The Gift of Fear, is a leading expert on Abuse and Violent men, how women get trapped and why they go back to the Abusers.
One of his statements provides tremendous insight and also provide some understanding of why The Narcissists stay in our minds for so long.
keeping in mind you are traumatised and wanting to feel better.
Like the battered child, the battered woman gets a powerful feeling of overwhelming relief when an incident ends.
She becomes addicted to that feeling.
The Abuser is the only person who can deliver moments of peace by being his better self for a while.
Thus, The Abuser holds the key to the Abused victim’s feeling of well being.
The Abused partner’s subconscious mind and The Trauma Bond tells her that the only source of comfort and feeling better is The Narcissist, hence he is continuously on her mind.
Realise that this is happening on a biochemical level.
Consciously we rationally know that we don’t want to return to The Abuser.
This push me, pull you creates the Cognitive Dissonance that can be so exhausting and distressing.
If you are an empath then your recovery will likely take longer.
Empaths frequently become enmeshed with The Narcissistic Partner and this adds an additional hurdle that we must overcome.
Don’t lose heart.
Your recovery and healing started as soon as your relationship with The Narcissist ended.
Each day that goes by is another day of healing.
As you recover your boundaries and sense of self you will find that your The Narcissist is less and less on your mind.
It will get to the point that there may be days where he pops into your head or a memory is triggered but it will not have the emotional impact.
It will be just a memory.
Meantime as you heal remember that even if you fall on your face some days, you are still moving forward.
Don’t lose heart because you will heal.