Every Once In A While I Can’t Seem To Shake These Thoughts Off My Mind!
Forgiving a monster is easier said than done.
Nobody knows this more acutely than I do right now.
I would rather crawl under a rock and cry than to face you again with those icily calculating eyes and your equally malicious words that made me feel worthless.
I know how you will never see your cruelty and the aggressive touches that will leave invisible scars on my heart forever.
I’m the one who knows the truth behind that plastic mask you wear with pride to the world and your blind audience.
So do you think it is easy to forgive you after all the horrors you made me endure?
Forgiving A Devil disguised as a man is not possible.
I should forgive myself for what has happened.
All the cruel heartbreak you deliberately inflicted upon me shows more about your atrocious nature.
I will need to find time to heal and that will take crying, screaming, hot baths, frustration, anger and everything else in between.
I’m a survivor who endured the most horrific of all relationships and yet I’m still hopeful.
Forgiveness comes internally not externally.
Someone who can’t own up to his mistakes doesn’t deserve the benefit of forgiveness.
I won’t forgive you but I will forgive myself for letting you go on with your charades.
By no means am I stating it was my fault or that I deserved it but the process of forgiveness begins with understanding how The Narcissist operates.
Going through this introspection allowed me to understand why you don’t deserve forgiveness but also understand myself.
I can’t forgive you for the hurt you bestowed upon me even though I know that your behaviour is likely stemmed from a childhood abuse, neglect or poor upbringing.