Everything I Came To Know About Narcissists.
This is everything I came to know about Narcissists.
A Narcissist never trains you to be pupated that’s not their intention, here it is what happens,
He starts to Idealise you or get obsessed with you because he will start liking the way that you make him feel about himself, he never plans to Idealise, it just happens when the opportunity comes in.
You are new and you bring him excitement at first, making him feel good about himself and it’s not something planned it’s something that happens unconsciously.
The Narcissist is your typical wounded child who never grew up emotionally.
They idealise everything new or every new thing.
Imagine a little kid when he buys his favourite jacket, he never loves the jacket however he is obsessed with it because it makes him look good, that’s the difference between love and idealisation, after a time the kid starts to get bored since his emotional level is low and throws the jacket away trying to buy another one.
They will start to idealise you when you start to stroke their ego since they live for the Fuel, meaning that you are basically helping them with your positivity and vanishing their internal insecurities for a short period of time, you are making them feel important, giving them something that their parents never gave or that the other people never gave them.
They will just reflect everything back to you like the little kid does, you as an empathic person will start to like their attention and the conversations and reflect with your empathy to them and they will reflect back to you with the same things, since they are high on your Fuel.
Keep in mind they ain’t loving you they are however loving the way that you make them feel about themselves, basically you are giving them the high, you are their drug while they are the abuser, the abuser idealises his drug early on.
They will keep giving you the things that you want and telling you the things that you need to hear unconsciously because you are new, you are exciting and you get them high, they will get the tunnel vision with you.
After a period of time the things will start to escalate and you as a normal person will start to fall in love with them, since you share lots of things in common and they are telling you the things that you need to hear, however later on you will learn that they were just reflecting everything to you back because you were getting them high.
After a period of time The Narcissist’s internal insecurities will start to rise again and they will start to get bored since you are not new anymore, they never were connected to you with empathy because they don’t even have a clue what empathy means or what Love is, they don’t know how to love anyone including themselves.
To be able to love someone you need to empathise and that’s the difference between love and idealisation.
When they finally get bored they will start to Devalue, they will start to look for a new source of supply, when they start to Devalue they will groom new sources of supplies switching their entire energy and attention from you to them, and this is where will things star getting tricky.
When they switch their entire attention you will start to react, asking them questions like what happened, what did you do to deserve this, why are they cold, meaning that you will start to bore them.
More begging, pleading and clinging they will start to notice that you are trying to see through that mask or facade and they will activate their defensive mechanism which happens unconsciously to protect their identity.
Their defensive mechanisms will include;
5.Silent Treatments and much much more.
This happens due to the fact that after a period of time you are already deeply in love and addicted to them so you keep pushing or forcing them to give you a closure or answers which they can’t provide because they have no idea what happened, they were just idealising you meaning that they never loved you, even though they told you that they loved you when they were high on your fuel.
You are left shattered, in pain and in agony not knowing what happened, how quickly it happened, why it happened and what is exactly going on even The Narcissist has no idea what happened, all they know is that they are bored, no matter how hard they try they will always get bored since they plainly Idealise everything new and they follow that relationship pattern their entire lifetime.
They will move forward like nothing has ever happened, they won’t have a problem moving forward because they never loved you but you on the other hand will be fully addicted to them, eating yourself up everyday with questions like:
How did he move forward?
How easy was it for him to move forward?
Did I mean anything to him?
Did he ever loved me?
The answer is simple No they never loved you, they Idealised you.
Love is something everlasting, it starts slow and it progresses with time, it requires empathy, value, respect ,care and appreciation.
Idealisation is a form of obsession or infatuation that happens for a short period of time, it starts intensely and after a period of time it decreases completely and that does not include any of the things mentioned above.
The Narcissist would have never imagined that they would have devalued their most beloved toy, jacket or object, it just happened because that’s what they do.
They will always blame the object for being needy and clingy, manipulating the object when they start to Devalue to protect their identity.
That brings us to The Reality About Narcissists;
1.They are your typical Con Artists who received Emotional Neglect, Childhood Trauma or Emotional Abuse from their parents at a very early age.
2.They feel internal insecurities daily, internal conflicts, they feel emptiness, they have a void, they see a black hole, they feel worthless no matter what they do or accomplish.
3.The whole childhood abuse caused them lack of empathy because they were never loved, respected, valued or appreciated from their parents to begin with.
4.They are unable to love anyone including themselves, they even hate themselves.
If someone constantly hates himself/herself so much he/she will never be able to love anyone else.
And if you love him/her you are basically destroying yourself because they feel like they have always failed in life so they will fail you and that’s their typical mentality.
5.To ease their internal insecurities they manipulate everyone around them by a fake persona, they fake everything about themselves to present to the public a perfect image of a caring, lovely and a charming character.
6.While they manipulate the crowd they gather up admiration, attention, adulation and validation to regulate their self esteem which is a temporary fix.
7.With all being said no matter how good the source of supply is they will get bored since they possess a really low boredom tolerance level.
8.They tend to hit on victims that possess high levels of empathy because they are vulnerable and they are easy to be charmed and manipulated.
Before the Love-Bombing, Devaluation and the Discard process they will start to test the new victim causing drama out of the blue, since drama brings excitement and everything that’s new is exciting.
They will cause drama out of the blue and see with how much they are able to walk away, if you let them walk away with everything that gives them the green light that you possess high levels of empathy then you are a long term source of supply however if you resist their attempts they will discard you early on and move to the next source of supply.
If you passed all of their tests then the cycle will start.
They follow a predictable relationship pattern of love-bombing, devaluation and discard.
1. Love-Bombing; putting the victim on the pedestal making him/her feel special, telling them all the stuff they need to hear while they mirror the victim’s character traits or copying them to make the victim fall in love with themselves.
This is the closest that The Narcissist will ever get to feel love.
Idealisation or Love Bombing is a form of infatuation or obsession with their possession in this case the victim, they are obsessed with their new doll or object that they want so bad.
They seek for the impossible wanting the other person to fix them or fill their emptiness.
No matter what others do they will never be able to fill that emptiness because the problem is them not anyone else.
After a period of time the void will be back in and they will start thinking that maybe the new victim was not special after all since the void is still there so they will start to Devalue.
Once The Devalue starts there is no turning back.
2. Devaluation; it can happen gradually or suddenly when they get bored or called on their actions.
Once they start to devalue they will start to groom new sources of supplies switching all their energy and time to someone else since it takes them a lot to manipulate new people.
They will pull back and suddenly switch all the attention from you to someone else.
The victim will be left in vain not knowing what happened or what did they do.
The victim will start to search for answers but they will completely ignore the victim’s attempts further more manipulating the victim with methods like:
• Gaslighting, which is when the victim calls them on their actions they will totally deny it taking no responsibility and telling the victim that they are going crazy because they never did those things.
They would slap you today only to tell you tomorrow they never did it so the victim will basically apologise for the things that they never did.
• Why is it easy to Gaslight?
Because they have tested you early on threatening you that they are going to leave and you stood by their side.
You showed them in one way or another that you won’t leave easy no matter what and you are going to keep fighting for them.
So once they start to gaslight they won’t have a problem with it because no matter what they do you will just suck it up and continue to stay by their side and fight for them even if it means losing your whole dignity to them.
They are using your vulnerabilities as a weakness and trying to turn you into Lunacy with their games while enjoying it to the fullest.
Once the devaluation starts to kick know that you have been already replaced, they will never discard you but they will shelf you, being replaced means that the new victim is feeding them positive fuel and excitement while you are the boring one or the side kick.
They won’t ignore you completely but they will give you as little as possible to hang in there because when you will start to search for answers you will be feeding them fuel with any positive or negative reaction and they will feel important.
• Silent Treatments; they like to combine gas-lightening with silent treatments once they are called on their actions they will neutralise your attempts giving you the prolonged silent treatments because they already know that you are aware of whats going on.
With this they are giving you a simple message of “My dear object if you dare to stand up for yourself I will give you my silence and withhold everything that felt good on the love bombing phase”.
Their silence will increase when the victim calls them on their actions and the more they start to search for answers.
The more the victim craves for a closure the less they are going to give it to them and the more the victim will start to crave for answers the less they are going to give it as well.
They will never give you a closure or answers because you are an object and you don’t deserve them and they know deep down inside that if they confuse you, you will search more for answers and you will feed them more fuel and they will finally feel important belittling you, that shows how insecure those individuals are.
• Projection; another manipulation technique where they will project their whole insecurities to you telling you that you are overthinking and you are going lunacy.
You will end up apologising profusely for calling them on their actions.
• Stone Wall; it’s a technique used by Sociopaths also The Narcissist like to use it a lot once they get asked for a specific question.
They will immediately change the topic or switch the topic to something else leaving you even more confused and you will never get answers.
• Emotional Withholds; they will withhold emotionally every time they get called on their actions to punish you while you are craving for their attention, affection, love and care.