Fear And Empowerment.
Early on in my trauma I felt incredibly and unbearably vulnerable.
I hated The Psychopath I had been involved with.
In fact, I hated all Psychopaths and feared them too.
I felt there might be one lurking behind every bush and every smiling face.
I felt paranoid every time I interacted with someone I drilled my eyes into them searching for some kind of sign.
For a short time I believed the one I had known may very well have been The Devil himself in disguise.
All of those feelings were normal reactions to the trauma I had experienced and all of it resolved eventually because it could not co exist with empowerment.
I’m cautious now in the same way I’m cautious about other dangers, instead of afraid and paranoid.
My hatred of The Psychopath who traumatised me along with my irrational belief that he was The Devil has been replaced by an understanding of what made him act the way he did.
My feelings of complete vulnerability resolved with an understanding of myself not only of the particular traits I had that put me at risk but the traits all neurotypical humans share that leave us vulnerable.
None of us can be entirely invulnerable but we can become much less vulnerable.
I still wonder if a person I’m interacting with might be Psychopathic and I think that is a very good thing.
It doesn’t consume me it is just there as a possibility.
If a few years have passed since you were traumatised and you still feel fear, hatred and naked vulnerability and if you avoid new relationships don’t accept it as the way things are now.
Instead, consider if there are few things left you need to work on.
If you have gotten involved with another Psychopath or even a whole string of them or anyone who was manipulative and lacked empathy, please don’t see it as some inherent defect that you have as something you are helpless to change and that makes you A Psychopath Magnet ,,, It’s not true.
There are just a few more things left for you to work on at a deeper level.
You may need to put some more time and effort into,
Gaining knowledge of how manipulation and a lack of empathy manifest or are expressed through a person’s behaviour and through his effect on you.
How to Never Get Involved with a Psychopath, Narcissist or Sociopath or any Abuser ever again.
Learning more about Psychopaths, Narcissists and others who are manipulative and lack empathy, can also help.
A very useful book that describes them in detail along with the sign to look for is Dangerous Personalities: An FBI Profiler Shows You How to Identify and Protect Yourself from Harmful People by Joe Navarro.
Understanding and accepting as incomprehensible as it may seem that people exist who lack a conscience, lack the ability to form real and meaningful connections with others, who lack the ability to love and who lack empathy.
It is just as important to understand that these people are incredibly manipulative and they will do whatever they can to hide what they lack.
Recognising and looking past your superstitions.
• Your intuition is not going to protect you.
If it was it would have done so last time.
You may be thinking It would have if only I had listen to it!
Some women who are re victimised by the belief that their intuition would protect them but it won’t.
If you believe you can rely on it you will always be at risk.
Never Trust Your Gut Feeling Unless it Tells You to RUN.
• A belief that psychopaths are evil in the supernatural or religious sense won’t help.
It makes them into something you are totally powerless against and feeling powerless is a lot different than feeling empowered.
Those beliefs are based on a lack of understanding of how their disorder makes them act in ways that can sometimes seem truly evil.
It sure seems that way but terrible things happen because it is allowed to happen or at least allowed to persist.
There have been many times people have stood up against the forces of evil and won and so you can too.
This is not to be confused with blaming yourself.
Self-blame is the enemy because it indicates a lack of understanding and it will hinder your recovery.
We all have vulnerabilities and it is normal.
The only problem is that there are people who will exploit those vulnerabilities.
Some of it can’t be changed such as many of our cognitive biases but even just the awareness that it is there can help.
This isn’t optional and since boundaries mean nothing if you don’t defend it, you will become assertive as a bonus.
Empowerment is possible.
Misinterpreting the behaviour of a disordered character is the first step in the process of being victimised by them.
~Dr. George Simon~
Psychopaths are skilled at detecting and ruthlessly exploiting your weak spots.
Your best defence is to understand what these spots are.
~Robert Hare, PhD~
Magical beliefs and the fearful reactions based on such beliefs are the result of the state of uncertainty we are in created by this challenge and by the negation of our expectations.
Our feelings come from the conviction of the loss of control and the sense of helplessness we feel when our cognitive system can neither assimilate our experience into it’s own structure nor adapt itself to the structure of the experience.