Grieving A Loss That Feels Like Death.
Most grief books are written to help you mourn the death of a loved one and learn how to deal with their absence in this world.
Death is probably the most challenging thing a human can face.
It breaks us down.
It brings us to our knees.
Some people are so significant in our lives that the mere thought of living without them feels incredibly overwhelming and incapacitating.
Losing someone we love is hard.
Accepting loss is extremely challenging.
So how do we cope with yearning and adapt to the feelings following a huge breakup without feeling like a loser or the psycho who can’t let go?
It’s an unfair misconception to think that those who have a hard time letting go or are taking longer than usual time to move on are somewhat weak.
Psychology agrees that when a major relationship ends, the person who was left may feel grief as painfully as someone who lost a loved one to death and sometimes the pain can even be stronger.
Breakups can sometimes be worse than death because the person who died to us is very much alive and haunting our every thought.
I remember how lost I felt right after Mr. Prince Charming broke things off with me and left me without any closure.
I felt humiliated.
I felt alone.
I felt a variety of feelings and emotions but the one feeling that I always remember is the feeling of loss.
I had lost everything I ever thought I would eventually have.
The only man I had ever loved had died.
His body was still there but his soul was gone.
Everything I ever thought of him was gone.
His words were gone.
His spiritual presence was gone.
There is a lot more to life than a physical body.
Millions of people have experienced the death of their loved ones without ever having to plan their funeral.
When I arrived home it was time to pick up the pieces and move on.
At least that’s what everyone around me was telling me.
They expected me to shake everything off and move on with my life as if he didn’t exist and as if our story didn’t happen but accepting the death of someone in our lives is a process.
I kept going back and forth between missing him and hating him for leaving.
At times the mixed emotions felt like I was literally sinking into insanity.
One moment I would cry and the next I would scream.
Nobody told me that grief does that to people and because I didn’t know that what I was feeling was normal, I felt even more alone.
I had never heard of the five stages of grief until I went to see a therapist because the pain was so unbearable.
It’s then I learnt that a person goes through denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance after the death or loss of a loved one.
Unlike what I originally believed, there is no specific order to these feelings.
You may feel as if you are on an emotional rollercoaster as you are jumping from stage to stage.
It’s important to know that this emotional ride is normal and if you get the proper help you will get off of it alive and stronger.
I know what it feels like to not want to get out of bed.
I know what it feels like to not want to take a shower or brush your teeth or even eat.
I know what is like to lose twenty pounds in six weeks, to lose friends and to lose your dignity begging someone to take you back.
I know the feeling that the world has ended and you were left behind alone and miserable.
I have been there so believe me when I say that there is hope.
There is, in fact, a light in the end of the depression tunnel but the only way to get to that light is to walk through it.
There is no way of getting around the process, and the earlier you begin the journey of mourning and healing, the sooner you will reach peace.
The journey is long but there is no race and no competition.
It’s a journey with yourself.
There will be days when you will feel stronger than ever and some days will bring you back to your knees.
Just remember that the rollercoaster is the journey.
So even when you are down, feeling as if you have made no progress, remember that progress is being made every day you choose to be alive.
Progress is being made every day you choose to not call the one who left you and if you slipped and called once it’s ok.
Progress is being made every day you choose to take another breath.
You are alive.
You are strong.
You will survive.