Grieving The Loss!!

One day you will look back with love.

Love for that person you once were who loved so much that it tore your heart apart when he left.

One day you will be able to look back at those memories and realise that he wasn’t so great after all.

That those wonderful qualities you thought he had were actually yours.

One day you will realise how precious your love was and it won’t matter to you that he couldn’t love you back.

So feel it all.

All those devastating emotions, every painful one of them because it will shape you into becoming that beautiful person you once were.

The turning point for me was the final and painful realisation that he had contemplated not having me in his life forever.

What for me had been a beautiful encounter, meant nothing to him.

He could replace me in the blink of an eye.

I meant that little.

He could see me hurt, lost, devastated and never care.

He had a new toy to play with.

A normal person could not have so easily walked away.
A normal person would have thought things through.
A normal person would have had more loyalty.
A normal person would have been hurt too.
A normal person would have bonded on a deeper level and on a cognitive level.

He knew that he was hurting me but he never really empathised or truly understood.

To him people leave all the time and I should just find someone else.

There was no nostalgia or regret.
I just didn’t mean enough.

Whereas for me I had panic attacks at the idea of never seeing him again.

Those missing pieces of the Narcissist you left scratching your head and thinking what’s wrong with me?

Was I not pretty enough?
Was I not interesting enough?
Was I not loving enough?
Now I know I was all that but in fact I was too good for him and he probably knew it.

I recall how it used to confuse me how easily he could get rid of things that he should have been more sentimental about.

I used to think he was so exciting to be with, now I can see that he was really quite empty.

The reality is that I did more exciting things after he left me then when I was with him.

I was the interesting one not him.

The crazy thing is the addiction you feel.
You can know all this but if that original person you loved showed up again it will be so damn hard to walk away because to you it was real.

This is why you have to educate yourself. know your enemy.
Know yourself.
Heal your emotions, become so strong in yourself that you will never compromise your boundaries or your values again.

Become the source to yourself of all those things you were looking for in someone else.

No one else can save you.
No one else owns your happiness, your beauty or your love but you and it’s yours to share.

Do you ever get over it?
I don’t know.

Do you ever get over the death of someone you love?
Because that is what it is.
You can move beyond it though.
You release the emotions.

You accept that the person you loved was not real and you turn inward and discover the wonderful person you are.

You open your heart and you embrace other opportunities.

Free yourself from that heartache and let it make you not break you.

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