Healing My Heart.
I was involved with a man who liked to appear busy.
Excuses about family, Friends and work were his favourite.
He wouldn’t spare an hour or two to see me during the day because he was always swamped even when he could hear in my voice how much I miss him.
The day I discovered the secrets he was hiding, he became furious.
When I discovered his profiles on different dating sites I was utterly shocked.
That day my life went from bad to worse.
The weeks that followed were scary, when he knew that I discovered his ugly truth he spared no effort trying to destroy my life.
With the help of his many Flying Monkeys he accused me of all his wrong doings.
Being the charming man he is, he was able to convince some people that I was the bad one.
He was desperate to find something to make me look bad.
But the truth always comes out at the end.
My entire life was falling apart around me and however resilient I may have seemed on the outside, there were many times I thought for sure I was going to have to give it all up.
Through this experience, I have let go of the need to receive anyone’s approval for the choices I make and instead I’m learning to trust a deeper knowing.
I‘m finding that the more I surrender to a natural flow the more abundance I attract in my life.
During the discard, I accepted that I was not alone in my experience.
In the book Broken Open by Elizabeth Lasher, she speaks of reading the words of Chogyam Trungpa and finding that these words resonated with her at the deepest level.
Like Elizabeth and so many women who walked a similar path as mine, I followed a simple formula to help me identify my previously imposed limits and expectations.
I began to rediscover my true self once more.
Here is what I learnt,
• Do something different.
I discovered the fastest and most effective way to detour my brain from it’s old ruts was by trying as many new things as I could, making changes and challenging myself by seeking out different experiences on my own.
• Be fearless.
My so-called relationship should have ended hundreds of times before it actually did but I refused to see an ending.
I loved him and was terrified of my greatness and he provided me with boundaries to exist within until one day those boundaries broke open.
It didn’t matter if I would do it again or not, the point was that I’m stronger and I’m fearless now.
• Be yourself.
My relationship was emotionally and physically draining.
I can’t even count how many nights I cried myself to sleep.
Through the darkness of those nights I began to see the light and understand that I had A Phoenix burning inside of me.
• Be confident.
When it all ended, I quit people pleasing mode.
I spent some time with a man who was capable of convincing me that he was the better half.
He sold me a handful of self limiting beliefs, crushed my self esteem, self worth and then isolated me from all my friends.
In order for me to get back to my old self, I had to accept my flaws unapologetically and live a life that I always wanted.
I accepted the fact that I will make mistakes and I will have days when I feel like running away.
• Be wild.
You were once wild here.
Don’t let them tame you.~ Isadora Duncan.
After it all ended, I learnt to live the life I have always wanted.
I have always believed in magic, mermaids and unicorns.
I gazed at the moon and wished upon the stars.
I practiced yoga whenever I desired, walked on slack lines and then had a glass of wine before the mood strikes.
I have realised that the best things in life are full of contradictions and I have lost the desire or need to apologise for mine.
But this will never happen again because I won’t allow it.