How And Why Does The Narcissist Move On So QUICKLY?
One of the most important issues when trying to recover from Narcissistic Abuse is our tendency to obsess about the Abuser in our life.
We tend to believe that while we are left holding all the dark and delusional energy from the relationship, our Abuser escaped without any repercussions.
We imagine the Narcissist to be off walking in the sunset with his new love while we are sitting at home suffering through depression, apathy, anger and horrific emotional pain and psychological issues that he imposed on us.
Remember he is still a Narcissist and I would rather recover from his Abuse than be one of Supplies!
Narcissists don’t internalise love or bond with ANY other human being except to objectify them until they become bored with them and move on to the next one!
That is akin to being like one of ‘The Walking Dead’ on the many television shows that depict ZOMBIE themes.
If we really take the time to think about it, it is highly unlikely that our Abuser is really having the happy life that he SAYS he does.
The clinical aspect of this abuse AND why the Narcissist acts out in that manner stems from a deep sense of inadequacy and low self worth.
The Narcissist is forced to get his feelings of wellbeing from external things or those people outside himself.
A Narcissist may temporarily experience the false illusion of perfection with another person because they HAVE to seek this attention and adulation out to survive, much like they once did with us, but AGAIN this is “temporary”.
If the Narcissist builds his self image or good feelings about himself based on how he is perceived by others, it is only a matter of time before the “love spell” is broken AGAIN.
Remember there are no internal mechanisms so everything is based on external images that the Narcissist sees or uses as his own reflection of perfection.
You need the mix of the healthy internal mechanisms of love, empathy, compassion, as well as the harmony and coexistence WITH the external world to live in reality and to grow with another person.
Sooner or later his new love will have issues or complaints with the relationship because a Narcissist can’t survive with JUST ONE SOURCE OF SUPPLY.
Also a Narcissist does not allow individuality and face it, this will always be an issue because we were born to coexist and not to serve or be a source of supply to someone.
Once the new love starts needing some sort of reciprocation in the relationship or for the Narcissist to validate her existence and support her goals and plans in the relationship, the devaluation will begin.
A Narcissist can’t and won’t allow the slightest deviation from his projected image of perfection so EVERYONE will be devalued and discarded just because we have our own mind and personality.
There is no growth that can allow another person’s individuality to be a part of a real relationship.
So with all of that in mind, there will never be a ‘new healthy relationship’ with a Narcissist so don’t obsess about this and remember that things are not always as they appear to be especially with this Narcissist who lied to us.
We are not the exception to the rule that drove this person to abuse us NOR did they suddenly change overnight and became healthy with a new ‘love’.
Think about the unconditional love and support that you have given him, who would reject and destroy this love but a highly disordered person!!
This was all a huge con job starting from the very first day we met them because we were a new shiny toy to play with.
What you see or imagine about his ‘new relationship’ is likely a fantasy that you have created in your own mind that the Narcissist has reinforced with more lies and illusions to keep you under his control and keep you feeling vulnerable and hurt.
It heightens his image to manipulate you even more after the discard so he can prove to you and to the world that you are obsessed, scorned and can’t move on without him.
But Guess What ,, we can live without him.
Changing this fantasy means taking back the power of controlling our thoughts and change what we think of ourselves because we now know the truth.
When we live our lives in dysfunction there is always black and white thinking.
In time we will see the rainbow as we once did.
When the Narcissist projects all of these images that we are to blame, it is our problem and always our fault, we somehow assume ‘shame’ as if we ARE the bad ones and he in return becomes the good one.
Again that is just our emotions that we invested in what we believed was love and not anything near the truth!
We try to fix each and every one of his delusional attacks on our integrity as if we did anything to deserve this, just an outcome of his daily brainwashing.
This destroys our self worth and we feel so much worse because we have somehow lost everything that we believed was good about ourselves.
We are under the illusion that our good has been taken away, stolen from us, kidnapped, or whatever because we believed in love AND WERE DUPED.
But this is far from the truth of what is happening.
We felt worthy and loveable once.
So what happened?
We gave the Narcissist the power to validate us because we became emotionally attached thinking we would grow in a relationship.
When we give someone else the power to validate our worthiness, we are also giving them the power to invalidate us.
Now we MUST empower ourselves with the truth that we were manipulated, brainwashed, lied to, dehumanised, betrayed and so many other things by a Sadistic and not a fully functioning human being.
The person that did this to us was a personality disordered person who abused us, this was abuse, this was NOT out fault.
THIS WAS ABUSE!