How I Live My Present That Determines My Future!
Sticks and stones can break my bones but words will never hurt me.
We all know what a lie that is because words can hurt.
Before we are consciously aware of it, it slips past our cognitive boundaries into our subconscious minds and stay there, waiting for the most inopportune moment to surface and wreck our best-laid plans for having a magical, wonderful life.
I once loved A Narcissistic Sociopath.
Our relationship was short but during that time he was so gifted at lying that he managed to undermined my self-worth and self-trust.
By the time I caught on and cut him out of my life, I was emotionally destroyed.
Combining hurtful words with life’s events makes for a cocktail of grief and heartbreak and I worried for a while that I would not recover.
But I have a not so secret weapon.
While it’s true that something once said or done can’t be unsaid or undone, we can use words to revisit our perspective and feelings about those incidents and gain a new perspective.
Words can heal us too.
We all endure lesser traumas that need healing.
People are aching with symptoms of subtle mental, physical and emotional abuse suffered from parents, siblings, peers and strangers.
Here are a few scenarios.
Someone said you are stupid.
Someone said you are ugly.
Someone said you are not lovable.
We had failures that magnified and reinforced those words.
The actions of peers and adults sealed our fate even if those actions never touched our bodies.
The eye rolls of ridicule from friends, those stares of disapproval down the noses of our teachers and parents.
The sidelong glances and comments from strangers as we passed by dressed in something not quite meeting with their approval.
Finally there were actions that directly assaulted our bodies and minds like violence, disease and neglect.
The power of story to heal and transform lives is no secret.
Simply sharing our traumas, doubts, fears, struggles and anxieties with another person can help us feel less alone in the world and less afraid.
Getting our thoughts and our story out onto a piece of paper makes something happen that leads to healing.
We are reflected back to ourselves.
The fear, the trouble, the anxiety, the thing that is causing us trauma, tears and trembling is outside of us where we can look at it and get some objectivity.
Our thoughts, what others have told us and the endless parade of events all of it exposed, laid bare for examination of truth and reality-testing become inert objects to translate differently if we choose.
The technique of expressive writing has been documented to be a safe and effective way for people to improve their emotional, mental and physical health.
If you feel you are about to have an emotional breakdown, stop.
Some people experience feeling sad or down after expressive writing but this generally lasts only for an hour or two.
I do a meditation afterward where I breathe in these feelings by giving it colours that are meaningful to me and fill with self-love and self-trust.
Expressive writing is putting our thoughts and feelings into words and onto paper with as many details and adjectives as possible.
When I run out of adjectives, I start adding colour.
As I write, I unleash a torrent of unprintable adjectives that I would never say out loud with my mind in atomic mode.
Great flashes of hot white, brilliant and exhausting emotion were laid out page after page.
It wasn’t just anger, it was helpless outrage, screaming primal and pounding words that can’t be repeated here.
When that was done, I was sad about the episode.
I wrote weeping words not only for the betrayal but also for the lost dreams and hopes.
How did I resolve my anger and sorrow?
I wrote myself the gentle lavender words and feelings of loving-kindness.
May I be free from inner and outer harm and danger.
May I be safe and protected.
May I be free of mental suffering or distress.
May I be happy.
May I be free of physical pain and suffering.
May I be healthy and strong.
May I be able to live in this world happily, peacefully, joyfully with ease.
In the morning if I journal to write about what kind of day I want to have, I can script it in peaceful waves of earthy green.
To sort out a dream I had the previous night, I might write in midnight blue.
Expressive writing can be helpful for specific health problems and emotional distress.
Expressive writing is not meant to be shared.
It’s a safe place to write out our secrets which can help decrease blood pressure and improve our immune function.
Just writing about the word stress helps people uncover what stressors impact their lives and how it affects their health.
Writing helps us solve problems.
My ability to heal is in being able to write.
Write with all the authentic truth my little heart can muster.
Being willing to search for that one word deeper within and write it down can bring about healing by helping us see our lives through new perspectives.
We can’t rewrite history but we can write our way to a new understanding of our past into our present.
It’s how we live our present that determines our future.