How I See Him Now?
He often expressed concern for how I would see him once I get to really know him.
I never understood his preoccupation with this until I came to the realisation that the beautiful facade I fell in love with had fallen away to reveal the horrifying deformity beneath.
What I once thought was strength,
I now see as weakness.
Where I saw as intelligence,
I now see as dullness.
What I once saw as gregarious,
I now see as lifeless and boring.
What was thought of as a good sense of humour and witty banter,
I now see as passive aggressive jeering and insults disguised as jokes.
What I once believed was a warm, caring and sensitive man,
I now see as a cold, selfish and a callous creature in a man’s body.
Where I once saw light,
I now see darkness.
The memory of him evokes little more than the pungent odor of disgust, revulsion and regret.
He is insincere, disingenuous, dishonest, calculating, callous, apathetic, manipulative, exploitive, utterly dishonourable and just an all around corrosive representation of a human being.
Everything he says or does is for the benefit of propping up his false self so that he can continue to live in his false reality and labor under the delusion that his existence is anything but destructive and thus totally worthless.
The mask have indeed fell off and he was right to be concerned over it because the beautiful lie has eroded down to the ugly truth that it is and he has lost me forever.
His true self is literally the polar opposite of who I believed he was.
There is no honesty or sincerity.
There is no compassion or warmth.
There is no love in that form and never will.
There is nothing inside that man of value.
He is an empty vessel and a shell of the person that I thought he was.
He is unattractive to me now in every conceivable way.
I see his existence in my life as a mistake that I learnt from and am determined to never repeat.
I see him as someone I never want to cross paths with ever again.