How Long Can A Narcissist Fake Love?
I would like to reframe and have people consider that the end result whether or not the victim leaves or is discarded by The Abusive Narcissist, yields the same result.
A True Abusive Narcissist is never in love.
This is difficult to face but naming it is critical to the victim’s healing.
In the end, there is no real difference in how The Abuser feels.
All of it was a fraud.
Reconciling the many pieces and parts of An Abuser and pulling oneself away from the facade, the illusions and the fantasy requires a clear vision and the wisdom to protect ourselves.
When we are ensnared and twisted up in the web of lies and deceit, it is difficult to see that what is happening is not love.
This is why we expend so much energy punishing ourselves and wondering what could I have done differently?
How can I help him?
I know he needs me.
I can save him.
I need to be responsible, stick with it, hang in there, do more, be more, be better and on and on this list goes.
We do this because we think and feel that the love is real.
We can’t reconcile the two sides of the same coin.
How can a man be so gentle and turn into a raging monster behind closed doors?
These questions haunt us.
The truth is a man who mercilessly terrorises and controls his partner is An Abuser. Full Stop.
Regardless of whether one leaves or one is discarded does not change the fact that the meat and bones of the relationship was a fraud.
In the end it is the healing that we bring to ourselves that shifts our recovery not the actions or the situation surrounding the discard.
How long can A Narcissist fake love?
If A Narcissistic Abuser considers that the victim still brings value or some kind of currency to the relationship in terms of care taking, organising or handling of all the chores, responsibilities and perceived drudgery that come with life AND The Abuser continues coming and going as he deems fit “business trips”and returning home to where all children are cared for, all bills are paid, all social occasions are arranged and all food is cooked, The Abuser proceeds as he sees fits with all the freedom, privilege, control, catering and comfort in daily life.
All energy and efforts directed towards The Abuser.
Then when the victim leaves, The Narcissistic Abuser may attempt all types of manipulative tactics to get the victim to return.
This includes a web of lies that can be difficult to untangle when as a victim you are under considerable strain and in the throws of indescribable trauma that is mired in distortion.
These deceptive tactics to convince the victim that The Abuser is in love include but are not limited to:
• Letters, emails, texts, phone calls that appear to be begging you to return.
• Enlisting the support of relatives, neighbours and friends to do this begging.
• Empty promises that appear to an untrained eye very genuine and heartfelt.
• Actual threats interspersed with all the attempted love bombing and meaningless apologies.
• Crocodile tears galore.
The strength it takes for a victim to leave can’t be underestimated.
It takes incredible courage to muster the energy.
If the victim leaves The Narcissist will proceed to protect his reputation and direct all actions, efforts and energy into WINNING at all costs.
One last thought,
When a victim garners the strength and courage to leave they are taking the first step on the path to regaining and reclaiming their lives.
When An Abuser leaves first the victim can choose to shift their perspective and decide, this is my opportunity to take my first step to actual freedom and a new way of being.