How Long Will It Take To Stop Missing The Narcissist?!
Obsession ,, Compulsion ,, Repetition ,, The paradox of Narcissism is that we choose agony rather than loving and embracing the self.
If you are recently out of a relationship then the first question should be,
How soon will I stop hurting?
To this my response is simple and reassuring,
soon ,, much sooner than you thought possible.
If you have faith in the healing process and are willing to do what’s necessary to move forward and go No Contact then the relief and healing will come quickly.
The initial shock and grief will be heart wrenching.
Whether your relationship lasted twenty years or was a month of an intense rollercoaster, you will feel the loss.
The Narcissist’s absence and ultimately the betrayal will seize you.
You will cry a lot.
You will experience painful depths you didn’t know existed.
You will be more helpless and more vulnerable than you have ever been, possibly in your whole life.
If you are prepared for this, have a good support system and some healthy coping techniques then you won’t lose yourself in the process.
Psychology tells us that it typically takes six weeks to get through the initial stages of a loss.
And sure enough nearly six weeks to the day I made a happy observation:
Today I didn’t cry uncontrollably.
Today was remarkable.
Today I realised that I’m ok.
If you are at a different stage in the healing process such as months or even years after going No Contact then the second question should be,
When will I forget The Narcissist?
Speaking from my own experience the answer to this can be a little less reassuring depending on how well you have understood and integrated the relationship.
Speaking from my own experience, my Narcissist was brilliant and provocative.
The intellectual exchange and physical chemistry, our creativity and our alchemy remains unrivalled.
I’m not ashamed to say that our encounters were borderline spiritual and deeply meaningful exchanges that changed me forever.
And the fact that I feel this way isn’t surprising as Narcissists bond with us by creating and cementing the memories of a lifetime.
Years later the echoes of him remains.
Sometimes I feel longing and nostalgia.
Sometimes I’m haunted by the bitterness of memory.
But the turning point was knowing this,
Narcissists are our darkest mirror.
Whatever we most long for.
Whatever we most seek.
Whatever we truly are.
The Narcissist can see it.
He uses this understanding to manufacture feelings in us, to torment and play with us.
Whether he does it out of jealously or for the challenge associated with manipulating someone talented, empathic and special or out of sheer boredom, A Narcissist can only reflect what’s already there.
Loving and losing A Narcissist can be an annihilation event.
When he is no longer there to show us our reflection, it can feel like he took every little piece of us with him but those pieces were there before The Narcissist came along.
Narcissistic Relationships offer us the gift of acknowledgement and Reinforcement of our truest and highest self.
Whenever I miss him, I pause to reflect back on the aspects I most longed for, tracing the contours of his false personality, finding that all originates within me.
I became for the first time self actualised and deeply happy and soon enough you will be able to feel the same.