How To Cope When A Friend Cuts You Off?!
I have gone through the heartache of having a dear friend suddenly disappear from my life.
The experience is devastating but you will survive.
When a Friend Shuts You Out, It Hurts.
I speak from personal experience when I say that when a friend suddenly cuts you out of his/her life, it can be devastating.
I have gone through this heartache myself and I will share what I have learnt about how to cope.
It happens without warning and it hits you with devastating force.
The experience can be as painful as the death of a loved one and just as confusing as an unexpected breakup with a significant other.
Our Language Is at a Loss for Words.
We have several different terms to describe the end of a romantic relationship.
We might say that one partner got dumped or jilted or at the very least we can say that the couple broke-up.
But when it comes to platonic friendships, our language seems to be at a loss for words.
Until quite recently we didn’t really have any good terms to describe the abrupt ending of a friendship even though the emotional trauma can be just as great as a romantic breakup.
One term that has emerged in recent years that begins to capture the pain of this trauma is ghosting which refers to the breaking off of a relationship by ceasing all communication or contact typically without any explanation.
This term often manifests in a sudden cessation of digital communication.
• Not responding to your text messages.
• Blocking you on WhatsApp.
When a close friend suddenly ghosts you, it’s like he/she disappeared from the face of the earth and yet in some cases the pain maybe amplified if you can see him/her being active on social media.
In these instances, it’s woefully clear.
It’s not that he/she suddenly taken very ill or have become extremely busy at work.
It’s that he/she no longer want to communicate with you.
Abandoned so now Allow Yourself to Grieve.
Losing a close friend is kind of like the breakup of a romantic relationship or it might even be comparable to a death of a loved one.
You have lost someone who is extremely dear to you.
This is a person who you used to be very close to and now suddenly he/she is no longer there.
It hurts really bad.
Understand that grieving is an entirely normal and appropriate response to this painful situation.
Allow yourself the time you need to grieve the loss of your friend.
You have many good memories of this person that may go back for years and it hurts to remember all the special times the two of you shared.
It’s normal to feel a sense of grief, loss and pain when someone who was important in your life suddenly disappears.
You are going to need time to heal but be assured that you will despite the challenges.
Grieving is entirely a normal and appropriate response to losing a close friendship.
Grieve But Do Not Despair and Don’t lose hope.
Your friend may not be speaking to you right now but that doesn’t mean that the friendship will never ever be rekindled in the future.
It’s important to keep these things in mind.
• Try to accept that at least for now your friendship with this person is on hold, for whatever reason.
• Someday it’s possible that your friendship could very well be restored.
• As painful as it may be try to remember also that you gained some valuable lessons from this friendship.
• It was a blessing to have this person in your life even if it was only for a season.
• Broken friendships happen to everyone and it’s a normal part of life.
• The more important this person was to you, the longer it will take you to heal.
Remember That It Isn’t Your Fault.
When my best friend suddenly shut me out, I was heartbroken.
All of a sudden she had cut me out of her life without any explanation whatsoever.
Blocked on WhatsApp .
No response to my calls and texts.
She was simply gone.
It hurts so I cried and grieved.
I wondered What did I do wrong?
Did I somehow cause this?
Through this experience, however, I have come to learn that even a best friend can have issues or struggles that you may not be aware of.
Chances are if this person is cutting you off out of the blue after being friends then there is a deeper problem that you don’t know about.
So don’t blame yourself.
As difficult as it is to stop wracking your brain and trying to figure out what you could have done differently to prevent the dissolution of the friendship, you must accept that this is the current reality.
Most likely there’s nothing you did to cause it.
There is probably something going on with your friend and you have nothing to do with it at all.
Don’t punish yourself.
Overanalysing the situation becomes an exercise in futility because you only know one side of the story which is yours not his/hers.
The Myth of Best Friends Forever.
Some of our grief and despair may come from the myth we were sold when we were young, that we are supposed to have a best friend forever.
However it’s simply not true that we must hold onto our closest friends forever and that if we don’t, we have somehow failed.
The reality is that people grow and change over time and that friendships must evolve too.
Sometimes that means that someone who was very dear to you during one stage of your life may drift away or not be as close during another stage of your life.
This doesn’t necessarily mean that either one of you has failed or that either one of you is a bad person.
After a few weeks without hearing from my friend, I decided to reach out one more time.
Reach Out One More Time Then Let It Go.
If you have tried to reach out to your friend multiple times without getting a response then it maybe time to accept it and move on.
But maybe you could reach out just one more time.
When my best friend announced that she could no longer speak to me, I tried calling her and texting her right away with no response.
I left her a voicemail but she didn’t respond.
I let some time pass for both of our sakes.
After a few weeks without speaking, I decided to reach out to her one more time.
I sent a hand-written card explaining how much her friendship meant to me and how hurt I felt now.
I told her I would always wish the best for her and her family but I didn’t hear anything back.
Pray for Your Friend.
This person, close friend, confidante and ally has hurt you deeply and profoundly.
So it does seem counterintuitive to pray for him/her ,, but try it.
Pray that God will bless this person and help him/her overcome whatever trial or hardship is going on in his/her life at this moment.
Pray for the healing for your friend and pray for the restoration of the friendship if it is God’s will.
As long as you are burdened by the broken friendship, continue to pray and giving it over to the Lord.
Pray that the person will contact you and restore the relationship, if possible but most of all, pray for the person to be healed, comforted, encouraged and blessed.
Forgiveness can be understood religiously or psychologically.
Either way it’s a powerful and universal concept.
Forgive Your Friend.
Forgiveness is a concept that transcends religious orientation.
If you are a person of faith, you can think about forgiveness in terms of God’s commandments.
On the other hand, if you are not religiously inclined, you can understand forgiveness as a powerful psychological and emotional release.
As difficult as it is to forgive this person who hurt you so much, it is necessary.
Forgive your friend because you will destroy yourself if you hold onto bitterness in your heart.
Nurture Other Friendships,
It can be very difficult to accept that your friendship has ended.
This friend held a very special place in your life and now you are probably at a loss as to who to hang out with, who to call when you need a shoulder to cry on and so on.
Perhaps you do have other friends but no one compares in your heart or mind to the person you have just lost ,, I know the feeling.
When my friend cut me out of her life, it wasn’t as though I didn’t have other friends.
I actually had a nice group of friends and I was really close to.
Understanding the Seasonality of Friendship is
Something I came to learn through this experience, however, is that friendships often exist in our lives for a certain season of time?
Sure, there maybe some friends you can meet after not seeing for several years and it will feel like barely a day has passed since the last time you met.
But I believe that some friends are in our lives only for a season and that’s also ok.
Through this I learnt to nurture my other friendships and I became much closer with the friends who live close by.
I have realised that at this stage of my life, I have more in common with this newer group of friends.
After working through my heartache and grief, I learnt to nurture new friendships.
You might feel like you are out of practice developing new friendships or perhaps you are worried about appearing too needy.
Keep in mind, however, that everyone needs a friend in their lives.
As painful and disappointing as these breakups are, it makes us wiser and make our friendships much stronger and more resilient.
Things will not be like what it used to be.
I have learnt not to put people onto pedestals as we are all human beings and we all have certain struggles and trials in our lives that we must deal with.
I have moved on and I continue to nurture the friendships that are most dear and treasured in my life right now.
While I forgive my friend and wish her well, I no longer look to that friendship to provide the fulfillment in my life that it once did.