How To Defeat The Narcissist?!
You don’t need to defeat the Narcissist.
Narcissists have already defeated themselves.
Along with borderline personality, Narcissism is an extremely difficult personality disorder in which the ego is so insanely fragile and it must be artificially inflated with grandiosity or artificially deflated with self pity.
Narcissists do this in order to compensate for their complete lack of a healthy sense of self.
No therapist will want to treat them, because their level of denial and defensiveness make them terrible prospects for treatment.
They also tend to be viciously critical and litigious.
If you feel that a Narcissist is getting the best of you, that is probably because he is Grandiose Narcissists and is doing everything in his power to appear successful, competent, and shiny while mistreating you.
The only problem is that he is doing this not from a place of balance but solely for the sake of his fragile ego’s survival.
Like ducks, he appears to be floating serenely on the surface of life but underneath his webbed feet are paddling like hell.
This paddling, of course, includes lying, bullying, extortion, blackmail, deception, manipulation, mood swings, and strategic tantrums.
He has an instinct for knowing exactly when to get away with this toxic behaviour at the expense of people he senses are weak and won’t stand up to him.
This goes along with a capacity for blindness and denial that will twist your brain into a pretzel if you try to make any rational sense of it.
For Narcissists, however, it is necessary for them to do all of these things.
They have to live up to their self created ego ideal or they believe they might die.
The sad truth for them is that they can’t keep up the charade forever.
Narcissists continue to feel empty and fragile despite their ability to rack up so called victories in the world.
As they get older, they start to become more erratic in their enforcement and people will start to see who they really are.
In the words of one expert,
The mask doesn’t so much slip as to fall off and shatter on the floor.
So there is no need to defeat Narcissists.
They always manage to do it to themselves.
Not now, not ten years from now, but eventually.
Also keep in mind that they already feel like absolutely nothing.
No matter what it is they show you and the rest of the world you have to feel sorry for them and keep them far away from you.
I totally understand your anger, frustration and wanting to get back at the person who made your life so miserable to which it isolated you and made you so lonely.
I have been there too.
I felt so out of control and devastated that someone could be so cruel and heartless to me when all what I did was to love him with my whole heart.
He lacks feelings, empathy, compassion, respect, caring, and love.
All I was to him is a tool in his toolbox so he can criticise and put me down so he feels good about himself.
What you need to understand is that Narcissists absolutely loathe themselves.
As a victim of a person with a Narcissistic Personality Disorder you know that he can easily get out of control with his rage.
It can turn very ugly fast and Narcissists are known to murder if the rage is beyond their dignity.
The best thing you can do is to move on with your life.
He literally can’t understand that he is doing anything bad because he lacks any feelings of responsibility.
He believes that his actions are as perfect as he is and that he can do no wrong.
That part of his brain that illicit compassion, empathy and caring is not there.
It was damaged when he was a young child between the age of 2 to 5 when he was forming his personality.
He developed this behaviour as a survival method because someone in his life abused him so badly that he had to turn inward to survive.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder can also be caused by genetics where a parent has it so then the child could develop it.
It could be from a parenting style where a parent lavished so much attention on the child that he is put upon a pedestal and no one gave that child a reality check, an authoritarian and controlling parenting style.
Another parenting style is to have the child accomplishments be the extension of the parent’s desires and not truly the child’s desires.
There are many ways in which Narcissistic Personality Disorder manifests itself in a child.
So you see a very young child was a victim just like you are as an adult.
It caused the child to retreat inward and feel like it is him against the world and as a result he became selfish and self centered.
Since Narcissists can’t change who they are, the best thing to do is to move on with your life.
Move on quickly and with No contact.
Learn all you can about the Characteristics of a Narcissistic Personality Disorder but more importantly, forgive him because he was a victim as a child.
You remember how confusing it was for you as an adult so can you imagine what it is like for a child to go through something similar?
Narcissists have nothing to win.
They are just empty shells of fraud.
And when they defeat others, they defeat themselves.