I Finally Get It!!

I have lost myself while waiting for you to love me the way I loved you.

I was looking at myself in the mirror and I saw everything ,, the lost smile, the dark circles under my eyes and the smudged mascara on my face from crying.

I saw the way I was destroying myself, yet somehow I couldn’t let you go.

I was standing there, willing to put myself into more pain and agony in the hope that all the love I was giving you would be returned to me one day and not realising that some of those wounds and heartbreak would be irreparable.

No I‘m not blaming you, not anymore.
Now I know that you can’t make someone love you the way you want to be loved no matter how hard you try.

That’s the reason why I stopped waiting for you.
Honestly, there were memories that I had to let go of because of the pain it was causing me.

Memories that were there to remind me how much in love I was with you and how I failed terribly at making you mine.

More than anything, I realised that there is someone out there who will be just perfect for me.

Someone with whom love won’t feel so painful.
Someone who won’t play hot and cold with me.
Someone who will love me and be there for me, not someone who will push me away, pull me back in and then push me away again.

I get it now.
You never really loved me, I was just good for your ego.

We weren’t meant to be and it’s ok.
Now that I finally understand it, it doesn’t hurt anymore.

I guess that’s the beauty of letting someone go and mean it.

And as soon as my hands were free from holding onto you, I was able to hold myself and reach for myself again.

Even when I was shaking from all the pain and disappointment you caused me.

I started to collect all the broken pieces of myself, little by little and glue everything back together and it felt so liberating.

Finally, I was free of the illusion of you and it feels good not waiting for someone’s empty words and empty promises to turn real.

I‘m whole again.
I don’t deserve to be played and betrayed the way you did to me.
No one does.

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