I Had To Emotionally Heal.
The hardest part was losing someone I loved very much.
It doesn’t matter if it was real not.
My reality was that I loved and cared for someone who was my whole world.
I felt like I had found the greatest treasure a person could ever find.
And then he vanished.
He ceased to exist.
He was replaced by someone that needed to hurt me to make himself feel better.
It felt like waking up from a dream and watching the remnants just vanish from my mind.
Like waiting for that relief you feel after waking up from a horrific nightmare but the relief never comes because this wasn’t a nightmare that I could wake up from.
Someone that I loved and thought I would always have was just gone for no good reason.
That was hard to accept.
It has nothing to do with my pride for having fallen for someone or having been duped.
It’s a loss.
It’s just an indescribable devastating senseless loss.
The illusion of the perfect man was hard to break through.
A wiser part of me just knew that The Narcissist puts on a show for everyone including himself.
But when dealing with him various emotional and vulnerable parts of me were hypnotised and mind-controlled.
Hypnotised in this context means I was put into a state of trance against my will or conscious permission.
A defence mechanism that occurs for the sake of self-preservation.
This wasn’t deliberate on my part, it occurred automatically.
This is the kind of effect trauma-based conditioning had on my body, mind and soul.
Mind-control is a real thing.
It’s just not how we envision it to be but pure conditioning and intermittent reinforcement of this through abuse.
It is mere manipulation that hits us where it hurts the most.
When we deal with A Narcissist part of us is triggered into a state of emotional and psychological regression.
We come to feel like that vulnerable and innocent child we once were who felt helpless and defenceless.
Narcissists are known to be high-conflict, contrarian and exhausting individuals to deal with.
Their behaviour can trigger us negatively until we uproot our unresolved emotional wounds and issues.
It is imperative to heal emotionally otherwise we will remain energetically attached to him and therefore negatively influenced by him as well.