I Hate The Evil Behind Him.
I don’t hate him,
I hate the evil behind him.
I hate that he can’t see the world the way most people do.
I hate that he doesn’t have any semblance of introspection.
I hate that I wasn’t the first nor the last victim of his abuse.
I hate that there will be more.
I hate that he has to go on with his life in the way he does, pushing and pulling on people, doing whatever it takes to fill an empty and gaping void internally.
I hate that I can’t help him and that he refuses to reconcile or recognise the hurt he bestowed upon me.
I hate that he is weak and a coward.
Behind all that I once felt love for him.
A love that will always be there in some capacity.
So much love that I would have taken a bullet for him.
I let him project his abusive behaviour on to me.
I let him flip the situation around.
I let him devalue me.
I let him have me looking like the bad one when I never mistreated or did anything remotely wrong to him.
I still miss the person I thought he was and while I tell myself it was all a production, there was and still is a person behind the curtains fighting to feel alive.
I hate that he may never feel true love.
I hate that he has to ruin people in his quest.
Hate is what The Narcissist does and I wouldn’t dare take on his qualities.
Hate is a powerful but empty word that The Narcissist relish and wants you to do.
That is why he does what he does because he wants to be hated and that’s why he is built of hatred.
He can’t love because he has never felt what it truly means to be loved.
He loathes and hates me for loving him and the same for not hating him.
So I wouldn’t waste one loving minute of my life hating him.
I know that he deserves to be hated but I also know that he would get the Supply he needs out of it.
I could never hate him but I also can never love him again the way I once did.
He will always be the person that I will not ever love again the way I did but I will love him in a different way.