I Loved You Once But Now Hear Me Out!
I loved you once but these are my last words to you.
Who would have thought that I might bleed my last words to you?
The words I write to you are not stemming from my mind.
I’m bleeding it as it comes from my soul that has been long wretched.
Perhaps I didn’t think at all that I would ever write you these final words.
It’s ok and I don’t blame you.
After all I never gave you a hint that my forever words to you might transform into my last ones.
And so you were fooled into a false sense of safety that I would never leave your side.
You see, leave is a prominent word in this context.
At first, I wrote let you go but then I thought twice and omitted it.
It’s because you were already gone.
You were never there.
Hence, to leave describes better the action that was about to take place.
I’m not leaving you.
I never did and I never will.
I promise that whenever you look for me, you will find me in your heart, in your thoughts and threaded within the fabric of your being.
However, I’m only leaving the pain I am in.
I’m quite reminded of these words I read somewhere,
You did not understand what I’m.
I’m love, I’m pleasure, I’m essence and I’m an idiot, I’m simply who I am.
But you .. You are a pain my love.
My love you baffle me.
You always claimed that you needed a miracle in your life.
Something to lift you up and change your life, something to make your dreams come true.
I have been here this whole time.
I was the miracle that was going to lift you up and change your life.
But you took that miracle for granted.
Maybe you thought miracles don’t come in the shape of people?
Perhaps it should have appeared as a unicorn?
Sadly you won’t realise now the miracle that you have missed.
Time will show you that miracles can come in the shape of a person.
And when you start looking for that miracle again, you will find it but you will not find it physically.
As I promised you that you will find me in your heart, in your thoughts and in the very essence of your being.
While you were too busy chasing materialistic dreams, I was busy engraving my presence into your heart.
I was making sure that my presence will be felt even after I’m gone.
My absence will be felt in such a way that you will wonder what the real colours of my eyes are.
My eyes are the colour of fire and blood, the two things that are residing in my soul right now.
Of course, how could you have possibly known the real colour of my eyes if you never stared at it for more than one second?
I hate to break this down to you but dark red also signifies strength and power.
Two attributes that you thought I don’t possess.
But trust me you will see it soon enough.
And how I’m eager to tell you about all the things you have failed to discover in me.
I like to read and thoroughly immerse myself in the characters of books.
I love to watch sunsets and the stars.
Do you know that I have an immense affinity for the Milky Way? it’s magical.
Ironically the stars too seemed closer than you.
My dream of a perfect night is sleeping next to the chimney, drinking wine and enjoying mindful conversations.
I’m not sure if you truly knew me or not.
Because if you did then I believe you are as close to pain as me.
You only did what brought you gratification.
But you never bothered to immerse your soul in what could bring me closer to you.
I know what you are thinking.
I even know that you most likely blame me for every hurtful thing you have done.
I used to care deeply about what you but now I no longer do.
I bleed these words to you with a sense of confidence that I have never felt before.
What’s startling is that it’s the first time that I expect no outcome from you.
I think this is where I went wrong.
I consistently expected something from you.
I no longer do and so you are as free as you have always longed for.
I now claim you free from myself, my love, and my soul.
I promise you that I will never look back even though I know you will.
You will look back and search for me.
Because I was and always will be the only one who loved you truly and deeply without asking for anything in return except your love.