I Once Loved A Monster.
Surely someone else out there has loved A Monster too.
You know what I‘m talking about.
The type of person that you love more than you could ever offer up again and find your heart so out of energy to love and live that you might as well have loved a parasite because at least then when the parasite is done with you it kills you.
Not leaving you half alive like when a love with A Monster fails.
We all know The Monster that years later you wake up at night thinking of him because he showed up in yet another normal dream and your dreaming self didn’t know but your real self knows that even his appearance in a dream is enough to throw off your whole day.
Well even if I‘m alone the truth still stands.
I loved A Monster who hurt and broke me just not enough to kill me but only enough to cripple me in fear and guilt every time I think of him.
I loved A Monster and the worst part is that he made me feel like he loved me back.
It’s out of the question if I loved him but it’s the why that is misunderstood.
Can A Monster love?
Does A Monster love with every fiber of his being and then walk away unscathed?
Does he love long enough to kill and find his next target?
Surely not it can’t be because destruction has nothing to do with love.
Why did God made me love a being who sought only to ruin me?
Why did God made him come near me and deceive me knowing that he is at his best A Monster.
I might have given him scales, fangs and a tale that destroys all but he doesn’t take the image of A Monster in his pictures or in my dreams ,, Only in my memories.
Yet I stand perplexed because I know I loved him at some distant point in time.
I remember it like a yellow sunflower in a dull, foggy morning bike ride.
I see him in my dreams.
I remember him at times and I feel the guilt and overpowering shame every single time because I can’t figure out why I loved him to begin with.
The Monster that woke me up at night and that has haunted me for years is not the man I loved.
I allowed The Monster to use me in a scheme that is far darker and more harmful than any human could have plotted.
Evil is real and it does exist.
It’s present and if one isn’t on guard, it will use and abuse any person no matter the age, gender, income or intelligence.
He destroys and kills everything he touches.
I know that the image of my Monster will haunt me but I must realise that it could have happened to anyone and it did happen to many.
But I will set myself free.
It will be a freedom that makes the eagle in the sky look like he is confined to borders and habitats.