I Won’t Give Up On Love Because Of Your Betrayal.
There was a time were I thought that I felt nothing at all.
I was numb and it was a defence mechanism that I created without noticing.
I know that to truly feel nothing is scary but I used to say that it is not that scary after I have been brutally broken and betrayed.
Then I realised that feeling nothing is one of the worst masks a human can wear and I didn’t want to live like this.
It was because my heart and mind were not ready to go through the vicious cycle of loving and losing again.
Love can be exhilarating and exhausting at the same time.
The changes which happen within us can be both voluntary and involuntary and it causes a friction within ourselves whether we know it or not.
When the one I loved was gone all these feelings hit me like a tsunami.
There were so many questions which depreciate my self perception.
My mind kept telling me ,, is it really worth going through all that again?
While it is in no way a given that a new person will hurt me, the failsafe has already been initiated within me unfortunately and for no fault of my own.
It is not that I don’t or can’t feel love.
I do but the expression is choked and love without expression is no love at all.
Now I keep reminding myself everyday that I tried my best in the past.
I know that I loved him with sincerity and I know now that someone out there will value my sincerity.
Maybe I just haven’t met him yet but I believe that there is lot of love in me.
Somewhere I still have the emotions of a broken heart.
This could take more time than I have planned to heal and that’s ok.
Emotional attachment can take a while before we can completely get over it but with time and patience it will happen.