Is It Intentional Or Incidental?!
A Narcissist is a puzzling and a contradictory creature.
One of his many contradictions is how he can be nice and kind then cruel and toxic in a blink of an eye.
It makes me wonder, is the nice and kind him the fake one? Or the cruel and toxic one the fake one?
Which one is the real him?
It’s easier to deal with a person who is consistently cruel and toxic than one who is nice and cruel.
This puzzle can occupy me for decades and maybe even the rest of my life.
It opens the door for Narcissist Sympathisers to gaslight me with claims that he never meant anything harmful he ever did.
That I should rush to forgive him and to never judge him because I too would do what he did under the same circumstances.
This is a dangerous reasoning and leads to throwing my entire life away as his lifelong duped punching bag.
A Narcissist abuses me directly through The Narcissist cycle.
Narcissist Sympathisers abuse me indirectly by duping me into sympathy for The Narcissist.
I’m always asking myself is the cruelty intentional or incidental?
The answer is that it is both.
A Narcissist is so puzzling and difficult to understand because we keep trying to find answers and we want to seek a closure.
A Narcissist doesn’t do things for the same reasons we do it.
He doesn’t see things the same way and he doesn’t respond to things the same way we do.
He is a mess of self-contradictions, arbitrariness, pointless exertions for pointless wins, dissociation and short-circuiting, self-sabotage and disowning and disavowing.
One major tool that allow us to make a breakthrough understanding of A Narcissist is subclinical multiple personality.
A Narcissist doesn’t have multiple personalities to the extent that it is diagnosable like full blown multiple personality disorder but instead he has an under the radar version which is also called the subclinical version.
This is where it gets interesting.
A person wants to be liked.
A person is more akin to A Malignant Sadist who just likes to see blood and tears.
We could be laughing and having fun with him then the evil side of him suddenly and quietly slips in and takes over.
Then the irresistible urge to ruin the occasion inflicts senseless cruelty and unconscionable things takes over.
All this happens without our knowledge because we can’t see it, neither are we aware that our Narcissist isn’t inhabited by a single, solid, coherent and consistent personality.
That’s where the both yes and no answer comes in.
The host and The Narcissist both wants to hurt, ruin, destroy and harm us while also at the same time he doesn’t.
Sometimes he doesn’t really want to harm us and sometimes he does.
His contradictory character take turns running The Narcissist like an erratic car with multiple drivers.
In reality it’s much more worse than that because The Narcissist is having more than just two personalities.
A Narcissist isn’t all that nice nor any Narcissist is truly good or righteous.
His personalities of various grades of nastiness taking turns ruling the actor or the faker that we call The Narcissist.
And some personalities are much worse than the others.
The famous blank stare of The Narcissist happens when no personality has current possession of him.
Some people liken it to an actor having dropped his script so he doesn’t know what to do or say next.
That’s not too far from the real picture.
What might be truly happening is that with no single personality having full possession of The Narcissist, he is on standby waiting for a personality to take over and tell him what to do next.
So we realise that The Narcissist is simultaneously our sibling and not our sibling.
The Narcissist wants to go on an overseas trip with us and not want to spend even a single minute with us.
The Narcissist wants us to like him by coming to our birthday and wants to see us cry by suddenly grabbing the cake and throwing it at us while laughing.
The Narcissist wants that nice car for himself and buys it then regrets buying it.
The Narcissist makes a promise to us then promptly rescinds it privately.
The Narcissist wants to come to our party but hates coming to our party.
The Narcissist wants to marry us but hates the idea of being with us.
It all suddenly makes so much more sense.
I squarely declare that The Narcissist is always intentional and deliberate when he is cruel.
Watch how avidly he inflicts the harm when he does it.
The enjoyment and aliveness in a usually bored and disinterested person is unmistakable.
The avidness leaves him no defence.
A Narcissist highly intrinsically agree with cruelty, sadism and hurting loved ones.
He is his truest self whenever he does these things.
Let there be no mistake about that but does the multiple revolving personalities means that A Narcissist doesn’t know what he does?
That he isn’t truly aware that he causes harm?
No he is fully aware.
It’s the nature of his self-deceit, practised from a young age that resulted in such a fractured, fragmented creature in the first place.
That many personalities aren’t incidental.
The Narcissist created every single one of them and he’s having fun inhabiting every single one of them ,, just like how an actor is having fun playing roles or someone else having fun putting on different voices.
If The Narcissist didn’t walk in lies and didn’t commit to the path of aggression and rebellion, he would never have fragmented and would never have created all these Personalities.
He would have been normal.
No matter what, The Narcissist is responsible for the many personalities he has.
He intentionally created at sometime in the past and he gives resident time to cyclically.
He is responsible for everything every single one of his personalities does.
If parents are responsible for the crimes and troubles their underage children commit and any parent who disavows the trouble is even more culpable because disavowing the troubles your child causes is a red flag proof of bad parenting and bad character ,, then how much more responsible is A Narcissist for the troubles his personalities causes?