It’s Time To Stop Waiting Around ..
People never change.
Everyone says this when they are giving the typical time to move on girl talk to someone experiencing a consistent disappointment in love.
Love is blindingly hopeful.
You don’t want to believe that someone you connect with and care for so deeply is truly incapable of giving you what you deserve in life.
The thought is that everyone grows up eventually.
He will stop cheating and lying when he gets older.
You don’t want to believe that the emotional rollercoaster you are on right now is all there is.
It is worth waiting.
Things can get better.
He will change.
He will grow up.
He will learn to appreciate me.
After all no one really understands him like I do.
Who are they to tell me who he can and can’t be?
And you are right.
No one does.
Maybe you have seen him change at some point directly contradicting that concept in your mind.
If you stick with a person long enough you are bound to experience some growth and change by his side.
You hold on to those moments in your heart.
The moments he has surprised you.
When he changed for the better and came through for you.
Those are the hopes that we all cling to when we know we are losing someone we love.
You cling to the closest most profound moments you have experienced together.
You have been the one to hold him through tear filled apologies and strides to start over.
You have picked each other up from your darkest moments and had times that truly did envelope pure unadulterated happiness.
You have built memories together.
You have had the good and the bad.
You have experienced promising intimacy as well as gut wrenching afflictions.
It’s that lump in the back of your throat when you are driving home thinking about him and your mind starts to wander, connecting to your fear.
The thoughts of him doesn’t bring you comfort or peace of mind and a resounding warmth in your heart as it should.
Instead you feel anxious and uneasy.
You think about some of the things that have happened.
Visions of fights and breakdowns force it’s way into your resisting mind.
All like piercing black and white flashbacks from a conflicted character in a movie.
You think of all the people who disapproved and have witnessed the negativity first hand.
You feel a tinge of shame and inadequacy.
You start questioning yourself.
But all of this only happens internally and not for long.
On the outside you have to put on a brave face.
You feel like you constantly have to defend your decision to wait around for him.
You make excuses to the people in your life and even to yourself because if you think about it all too long you will start to sink into despair.
You will start a fight and you don’t want that because you want to be happy.
You are trying to make things work.
You keep telling yourself things like
It can still work and All hope isn’t lost.
But you know the truth.
We always knows even when we don’t want to admit it.
Even if you are still wrestling with yourself and questioning whether or not it’s worth waiting around.
There are a few questions you should be able to answer, questions like;
• Are the same mistakes being made repeatedly?
• Is your forgiveness starting to feel like it’s about to run out?
• Does his presence in your life move you closer to your goals and aspirations or do you feel like it’s drawing you down and making it harder for you to achieve what you seek?
• Do your small arguments spiral out of control with all of the underlying issues and past troubles?
• Has the resentment stacked up so high that it’s inescapable?
• Do your friends and family root for your relationship or are they rooting for you to walk away?
• And lastly are you happy?
There are so many reasons we keep holding on to someone.
Sometimes the thought of being without that someone we really care about sounds even more miserable than staying with him and being consistently disappointed.
And it is that way at first but in the end I can assure you happiness isn’t as far away as you may think.
It’s easy to be that person at the beginning of the article giving the speech and being baffled by someone else’s decisions.
But I was there too.
We all are at some point.
I too remember how it felt to go through all of these stages and have to ask myself these questions.
I remember the highs and the lows.
I remember the fear of letting go and the fear of being alone.
I remember wanting so desperately to believe in change and buy into my own excuses that I didn’t even recognise the fictional narrative I was creating.
I also remember what it felt like when everything fell apart for good and how painfully challenging it was to eventually walk away and stop waiting.
But on the other end of that struggle I learnt a lesson that can only be learnt by building myself from the ground up.
It’s when I learnt that not only can I find the love I deserve with someone else but also within myself.
I realised that I shouldn’t have to wait around for anything or anyone.
I shouldn’t have to wait around for someone to respect me.
I shouldn’t have to wait around for someone to be faithful to me.
I shouldn’t have to wait around for someone to be kind to me.
I shouldn’t have to wait around for someone to love me.
This was the time when I knew that it’s time.
It’s time to stop waiting for a change that will never happen and make a change in my own life for the better.