Know The Narcissist.
Don’t take them at face value because Image is everything to the Narcissist.
They work hard to present a facade of superiority and certainty.
They like to keep others guessing and operate less than transparently.
But it is important to remember that people with Narcissism are deeply insecure.
Their flashy facade is designed to hide an emptiness within.
We can have compassion for the Narcissist’s pain yet not be taken in by their pretences.
All that Glitters is Not Gold.
Don’t over share personal information.
The more personal information you give to the Narcissist, the more ammunition they have to use against you.
They will use anything you share to humiliate or manipulate you, particularly when you are most vulnerable or in need.
Be judicious about what you tell them.Don’t feel the need to justify your thoughts, feelings or actions.
Many Narcissists try to make others second guess themselves.
They will do this by asking pointed or leading questions or act as though you need to explain yourself to them.
Recognise this for what it is which is an attempt to undermine you.
One helpful self help mantra is No JADE, which stands for Justifying, Arguing, Defending or Explaining.
You do not need to explain or justify your feelings or thoughts.
Furthermore, arguing with or defending yourself to a Narcissist is counterproductive.
Narcissists tend to be interested in winning and not in listening, in competing and not in communicating.
Don’t underestimate their dysfunctional behaviour.
Narcissists’ self serving behaviour and hunger for attention will suck the energy from those around them.
Over time people around the Narcissist will get fatigued or numb and fail to register how unhealthy this Narcissistic behaviour can be.
Make no mistake, deceiving, manipulating and humiliating others is cruel and excruciating.
Sometimes it is best to let a Narcissist’s childish or provocative behaviour pass without commenting but that doesn’t mean you should fail to make a mental note of how cruel it is.
Narcissists takes credit and only gives blame and never apologise or admit fault.
Narcissists think they have special status, greater stature and more rights than others.
They have no interest in equality or in owning up to what they do, their only interest is to take credit.
Seeking to get the Narcissist to take responsibility for negative actions is a waste of time.
If you want to point out their role in a problem, fine, but do so because you need to say it and not because you expect them to hear or validate your concerns.Don’t assume they share your values and worldview.
If you expect the Narcissist to have compassion, say the truth, or share the spotlight, you will be repeatedly disappointed.
Narcissists view others as sources of gratification and not as equals.
They use words as tools or weapons and not to speak the truth.
They have an endless hunger for attention and it all comes from a shaky sense of self.
Knowing this can free you from false expectations and allow you to set boundaries accordingly.
Don’t try to beat them at their own game.
It will be tempting but remember that most Narcissists have spent their whole lives perfecting their campaign of self aggrandisement.
Many Narcissists do more manipulative actions in a week than most people do all year.
Narcissists have a mortal fear of losing, feeling inferior and being exposed or humiliated.
As a result, they devote massive energy to maintain their image and cultivate their sources of ego boosting and all will be at others’ expenses.
Trying to beat them in a war of words, get even or otherwise adopt their techniques is like an amateur going up against a seasoned pro.
It won’t feel good and it never works.Instead, play your game and be true to your values.
Don’t take their actions personally.
Narcissists take advantage of anybody who’s sympathetic enough to believe them.
They will treat those closest to them especially negatively, but few are immune to the Narcissist’s put downs and manipulations.
If you take what they do personally, you will be granting them an extra real estate in your mind and psyche which is exactly what they want.
Mistreatment by the Narcissist is painful but they target anyone who happens to cross their path.
It’s not personal, it is just what they do, so don’t expect empathy or fairness.
Narcissists are incapable of Empathy.
Empathy is based on the assumption that others are worthy and equal who deserves attention and compassion.
Does that sound like something the Narcissist you know believes?
Their sense of entitlement make them feel a little reason to play fair or reciprocate.
Their grandiosity leads them to see others as inferiors and undeserving of compassion.
Rather than expecting equality or reciprocity from a Narcissist, focus on respecting yourself.
Don’t expect them to change as they will never change.
They will alter some behaviours over time, but the underlying dynamics that drives them is there for life.
Narcissists view others as either threats or potential victims and are trapped in an endless quest for attention and approval.
To hope that they will change is a setup.
Rather, accept who they are and focus on how to take care of yourself around them.
Don’t underestimate the power of Narcissism.
Narcissism is a profound distortion of one’s sense of self.
A Narcissist’s life is only about gaining Narcissistic Supply, attention, success, wealth, power, control and sexual conquest.
They seek to be fed and nothing is more important.
This drive is so powerful that the Narcissist will betray those closest to them when it is necessary.
This is what you are up against.
We can have compassion for the deep wounds and limitations of the Narcissist. Yet compassion does not mean allowing them to hurt us or use us.
It is our responsibility to focus on how to best take care of ourselves and that is not Narcissism it is a Healthy Way Of Living.