Narcissism And Society!
There are several reasons Victims of Narcissists don’t get the justice and protection they deserve.
• While The Abuser appears to be calm, charming and likeable, The Victim that he has psychologically abused and violated over a period of time may appear emotional, erratic and unhinged due to the effects of trauma.
A Narcissist and those with antisocial traits learn from a very young age to mimic the emotions he needs to fulfil his agendas.
He presents a very innocent, compelling false mask to the world, duping even the most experienced members of law enforcement and the court systems.
This means that he can show displays of empathy, remorse and pity ploys to convince the court systems that he is the innocent one or that he acted out of intentions that were not entirely malicious.
Given that A Narcissist also build harems of supporters that look up to him and enable his behaviour, sometimes even going so far as to carry out his dirty work for him, it is no wonder that he is able to also rely on outside support even when he is exposed for his crimes.
Even “Robert Hare” the creator of the Psychopathy Checklist admits that he still gets duped by these types and is no better than any layperson at detecting these Predators and it isn’t difficult to see why.
Their mask what “Dr. Stout” author of The Sociopath Next Door calls the mask of sanity is quite believable unless one has been on the receiving end of the abuse.
Even so people continue to enable Abusers even after slipping of this mask because they themselves lack the empathy or sufficient knowledge about Covert Predators required to sympathise with Victims.
Some of the best lawyers, detectives, assistant district attorneys, psychologists and psychiatrists can still fail to identify A Covert Predator in a case if they are not knowledgeable about personality disorders.
They themselves may be deceived by the deliberate malice that is often present in a highly charged case involving A Narcissist and his Victim.
A Narcissist or An Antisocial Manipulator is likely to have a lifelong habit of evading legal charges by flirting with the law without technically overstepping it.
Or he may have access to the best lawyers that enables him to have his charges dropped or expunged from his record after a period of time.
After a certain period of time has passed, the record of his previous crimes which could give insight into his predatory patterns might already have been sealed and his newest Victim is unlikely to see her Abuser held accountable especially if the abuse is considered nonviolent in the eyes of the law.
What makes this issue even more complex is that The Most Skilled Manipulators can convince others of their capacity for empathy and can blend in quite well with the rest of the society without anyone knowing their true self behind the façade.
Research indicates that A Narcissist, A Sociopath and A Psychopath have the cognitive empathy to assess the weaknesses and emotional vulnerabilities of his Victim but that he is unhindered by the affective empathy that would enable him to feel remorse for the way his cruel actions affects others.
This is what makes him even more convincing and ultimately more ruthlessly successful in persuading others than his Empathic Victim.
As A Victim of A Covert Manipulator becomes increasingly terrorised, the effects of trauma take a toll creating what psychotherapist Christine Louis de Canonville calls “Narcissistic Victim Syndrome.”
This is among the many covert tactics that Abusers employ in order to depict The Victim as the crazy one.
Considering this, who do you think society is more likely to believe?
The cool, calm, collected Sociopath who provokes his Victim to the brink of emotional instability and claims that his Victim is losing it or the seemingly irrational Victim?
When A Victim finally reacts adaptively to chronic abuse, The Abuser then uses those incidents against The Victim to prove The Victim’s instability to the outside world.
• Due to the strength of the traumatic and biochemical bonds A victim develops with her Abuser, A Victim usually try to keep up the illusion of the perfect relationship even while abuse is happening behind closed doors just to protect The Abuser and to survive the abuse.
Society then confuses The Victim’s silence or skewed representation on the matter as an indication that the abuse she went through wasn’t valid when in fact her silence and rationalisation of the abuse were actually symptoms of the traumas she has been subjected to.
In actuality these were the same defence mechanisms she developed in order to survive the abuse.
It comes to a surprise to her loved ones and society when A Victim of A Narcissist finally admits to the truth of the abuse, at which point she might not seem credible to outsiders.
Due to The Trauma Bond she develops with her Abuser during the abuse cycle, A Victim may also attempt to try to protect her Abuser from the repercussions of his actions.
She may even go so far as to pleading for criminal charges against her Abuser to be dropped or lessened, or failing to report incidents of stalking, harassment or physical abuse at all.
Society needs to understand that abuse has complex effects on The Survivor and that the bond A Survivor develops with her Abuser as well as a fear of retaliation can sometimes prevents her from coming forward.
That doesn’t mean that The Survivor in question is exaggerating the abuse she went through when she finally comes clean but in fact it may be that she is finally coming to terms with the truth for the first time.
Lawyers, judges, police officers as well as friends and family members need to take note that asking A Survivor why she stayed so long or insinuating that the abuse wasn’t truly violent because it was emotional abuse can be re-traumatising and incredibly invalidating.
The legal system also needs to understand why A Victim may sometimes go back to her Abuser.
This is known as hoovering and it includes any and all attempts The Abuser uses to reestablish contact with his former Victim.
Many Victims are unfortunately hoovered back into the relationship only to experience an even more horrific discard or more intense trauma than before.
The bond between The Abuser and The Victim is difficult to break but that doesn’t make the abuse any less legitimate.
The trauma of chronic psychological warfare has long-term effects on the brain and diminishes A Survivor’s sense of self-worth and reality.
It doesn’t help that The Abuser also works very hard to keep The Victim in her place and gaslights her into believing that what she is experiencing isn’t real.
It takes a great deal of courage for A Survivor to come forward so the focus and emphasis shouldn’t be on the actions of The Traumatised Victim but rather the actions of her Perpetrator.
• Society believes in the myth of mutual abuse and the idea that there is two sides to every story.
Time and time again we are fed the myth that A Survivor somehow contributed to The Abuser or that the abusive behaviour was somehow part of a dysfunctional relationship where both parties were to blame.
Let’s get this straight ,, abuse arises from a power of imbalance where The Abuser is able to diminish The Victim’s sense of self-worth, subjecting her to name-calling, stonewalling, put-downs, sabotage and control for a period of time.
A Victim’s eventual reaction to these tactics while she can be maladaptive should never be seen as mutual abuse.
In addition law enforcement, courts and society would do well to remember that in an abusive relationship there is no such thing as a bad breakup or successful co-parenting.
In an abusive relationship such as this one, the breakup is either usually staged by The Abuser to maximise his cruelty in the shortest amount of time, is part of an abusive tactic in itself known as the discard phase and The Abuser rarely leaves The Victim alone even if he does breakup with The Victim.
In the cases where A Victim leaves her Abuser first, it is common for The Abuser to retaliate in ways that re-traumatise his Victim from stalking and harassing her to threatening to release her personal information and/or staging A Smear Campaign.
Narcissism is one of the few conditions where The Victim is left alone in a complete state of emotional terror and isolation while everyone flatters around The Emotional Terrorist dotting.
Whereas The Victim walks away to have a complete breakdown.