Have you ever dealt with A Full-Blown Narcissist in your life?
He flatters you, courts you, is nice and accommodating while it serves his purpose.
Once you realise that this isn’t a mutual feelings, you are stuck.
The Narcissist invests just enough time, energy and money to keep you amused.
He tangles carrots on sticks in front of your nose and persuades you to stay another day but all the while you know that he is taking advantage of you, betraying you behind your back and abusing your good will, loyalty and dedication.
Loving A Narcissist is frustrating, exasperating and painful.
It undermines your self-worth and confidence.
You feel inferior and not good enough for him.
It is extremely difficult to escape his clutch and free yourself.
Because he knows exactly how to lure you back in and once you sever your love for good, once you choose your emotional and mental health over him, his wrath can be brutal, disproportionate sometimes with psychopathic tendencies and unforgiving.
But why does A Narcissist act and react the way he does and What is driving him?
Why did you fall in his trap and feel that you can’t escape and how to protect yourself?!
• A Narcissist’s Tragic Addiction.
A Narcissist is addicted to wealth, power and status and the resulting recognition and admiration.
He doesn’t seek love, human connection or mutual relationships.
He seeks other people’s admiration, adoration and devotion and it is his most important goal in life.
Because A Narcissist has no self-worth.
Despite his overinflated ego, subconsciously he feels entirely unworthy.
He compensates for this feelings of complete worthlessness by focussing on the accumulation of status symbols and by surrounding himself with people who admire, adore and approve of him.
Who agree with him, overlook his shortcomings and never challenge anything he proposes because any opposition, rejection or mistake plummets him into an all-consuming chasm of unworthiness.
So A Narcissist surrounds himself with people who wants to please him.
He feels important and worthy when others agree and serve him but he only cares for himself.
• A Narcissist Needs Constant Supply.
A Narcissist siphon his fleeting sense of worth off other people either by being admired or by making others feel inferior to him.
The latter makes him top-notch bully.
But let’s face it even if you love somebody blindly, you can only endure this treatment for a limited period of time.
Sooner or later your dedication will crumble, your enthusiasm will fade and the love will drain you.
You can’t give The Narcissist everything he needs any longer.
If you don’t abandon this love for him at that point, The Narcissist will look for alternative supply.
His behaviour towards you will change.
Interactions will grow colder, you maybe ignored or punished and affairs may start.
Bullying, humiliation and abuse will increase.
Because as much as it hurts but now you are no longer of use.
The Narcissist might tolerate you for as long as you aren’t a threat but this is what you become once you start to challenge him, hold him responsible for his actions or point out his mistakes.
At that point you are likely to experience what is called Narcissistic Rage.
• A Narcissist Can’t Forgive Or Forget.
Narcissistic Rage occurs when you dare to withdraw the admiration and approval A Narcissist requires to feel good about himself because you are robbing him of his self-worth.
Furthermore the loss of control over you causes fear and distress.
You could defame him, ruin his reputation and dispute his importance.
You could publicly expose his worthlessness and ugly self.
A True Narcissist won’t tolerate this threat, insult and insubordination and the result will be anger.
Depending on the Degree Of Narcissism this anger can be extremely aggressive and totally over the top.
He will do everything to protect his reputation, material possessions and way of life.
He will make your life difficult and as long as you remain in his reach, you are reminding him of the fact that he is worthless.
Despite all the lengths he went through to gain admiration and build a reputation, there is this one person who knows about his worthlessness and true motives.
This person becomes a scapegoat that The Narcissist blames for all his misfortune.
But where does this leave you?
From your perspective The narcissists’ behaviour has nothing to do with you.
The effects of dealing with A Narcissist every day is detrimental on your own self-worth.
Especially when you start to withdraw Narcissistic Supply to save your own sanity and self-respect.
Yes he might see the error of his ways if you become the person he wants you to be.
It is easy to believe that it is you who is wrong, unacceptable and unworthy but it is imperative to remember that the way he treats you doesn’t mean that you aren’t good enough as a person!
It is The Narcissistic Personality that takes advantage, doesn’t care much for others and uses people for his purposes.
It is not a reflection of you or your worth.
It doesn’t mean you are a failure or unlovable.
A Narcissist will treat everybody the same way.
He doesn’t know any other way to boost his self-worth than leaching it off others.
It is not your fault!
The Narcissist’s behaviour has everything to do with you.
You can’t choose your parents or siblings.
And you certainly don’t actively seek a love with A Narcissist.
But you are stuck in the co-dependent love with A Narcissist because your own self esteem is low.
Deep down you feel unlovable and you compensate it by pleasing others.
You only feel worthy of other people’s love if you do what they want, provide what they need and look after them.
Let’s face it, it’s the much nicer way to compensate for low self-worth but it is still compensation.
It is fundamental that you boost your own self worth by realising that you are worthy.
You deserve love and respect.
Infinite, unconditional worth is your essence and nobody can take it away from you.
You are good enough even if The Narcissist makes you feel interior.
This is just his much less nice way to compensate for his lack of self-worth.