No One Warned Me That Every Little Thing Would Remind Me Of Him.

People always talk about heartbreak but they never really tell you just how excruciatingly painful it is when you physically feel your heart throbbing in grief.

They will tell you about your recovery too, how you will learn so much about yourself and eventually feel like a newly revived person but they never tell you when that will be.

They will make it seem like one day after you are done hurting you will wake up and be just fine.

All of the sudden you are just back to your happy self but an even better self.
Just like magic.

But that is not how it goes.
No one ever warns you about the in between period and I don’t know why because they really should.

It is probably the worst part.

I’m not really heartbroken anymore.
I’m pretty positive about that.
I’m not lingering on the past or holding on to something for the future.

I don’t even think about him that often anymore.

I’m close to the point where I feel like a whole new person and sometimes I even think I’m there.

Every so often I think I’m finally over him but then the littlest thing can trigger my wandering mind and there I am reliving the memories of the past.

I’m starting to think this in between period of getting over him is never going to end.

It is like one moment I’m fine but then a song I haven’t heard since we danced to it plays randomly on the radio and that song is now the most beautifully tragic sound I have ever heard in my life.

I will be doing just fine going about my day and then at night when I’m laying in bed and a thunderstorm is keeping me awake,
I begin to remember the storms I braved with him in the past.

Or sometimes when I go for a drive a part of me is terrified that I will pass by a place I would go with him that I haven’t been to since we ended things.

And with every single tiny thing that reminds me of him my heart breaks a little more than it did the last time.

I don’t know how many more songs I can hear or places I can go to that are tied to him and my heart can handle.

It really is the smallest things that break my heart even more than it already was.

I don’t know why no one tell us about the in between period and why no one explains how long the road is to feeling normal again.

Because right now I don’t know if and when I will ever feel like myself again and I don’t even know if I will ever stop missing him.

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