One Step At A Time!!
You have come to terms with your Narcissist and the devastation he caused.
You are still healing your heart and mind and perhaps your just not ready to expose yourself.
It will get better when you stop focusing on what has happened.
Once your Narcissist becomes a distant memory, you will be able to open your heart and trust again but this time you will be wiser.
I struggle too from time to time but I know it’s because I’m still healing.
A Narcissist never change, he may camouflage but he is the same Manipulative, Callous, Selfish person who put his Victims in this defensive mode.
There is light ahead and you will see it when the right person lifts the shade.
What’s important here is that your physical body needs to heal from this horrible experience as well as your heart and mind.
On all levels whether consciously or subconsciously, it will affect to a greater or lesser degree.
A lot of damage was done subtly over a period of time.
All the name calling, put downs and lies is sacrilege to a healthy, loving relationship.
This man broke your trust.
He was clever at the beginning when he building up the fake love and trust.
The shock of the devaluation went very deep and the only way you could survive it at the time was to numb and disassociate with the situation.
I know what it feels like and it’s horrible.
It was very easy for him to manipulate me.
It’s the smear campaign that startled me and the name calling I didn’t absorb because it’s his problem not mine.
Adding to that he was hiding lots of nasty secrets too.
In the process he planned to take what belonged to me and everything I cared about.
He really meant a lot to me and I would go along with his wishes.
He didn’t know me as well as he thought he did.
The reason he tried to damage me as much as possible is because his campaign to build himself up and steal my qualities that attracted him to me in the first place.
His plan failed and the rage I endured following that totally did hurt.
You will love again but you need to allow yourself to heal as a whole.
You are still the great person you were before meeting him.
Remember he tried to break you but he didn’t.
You are a survivor and you have moved forward more than it seems to you.
You are doing so well.
Being able to talk and have caring people you can access will help you to validate yourself and help to get your self confidence back.
The good news is that you are incapable of loving someone in that way again.
The way that we loved The Narcissist was out of a part of our wounded past.
Hopefully you resolved those issues.
If not, I would say that this is a great time to work on it.
I read a great article about co-dependent relationships and what that looks like today.
The writer says that a relationship with A Narcissist makes you believe that you don’t have any rights to your feelings, your boundaries or your desires.
You end up going along with his feelings, lack of boundaries and desires just to keep the peace.
This destroys your self-esteem.
It gives The Narcissist all the control and power in the relationship and pushes you into the passenger role.
You end up tiptoe-ing around just trying to keep stuff on an even keel.
Now that you have done the work of getting out of a bad relationship and doing the work to get over it, your attractions will hopefully change.
You won’t want a relationship like that again.
You won’t be that attached to your next partner out of fear of abandonment.
You know how that kind of relationship ends and that it’s not a fairytale.
When you complete your work, you may find that you are no longer attracted to anyone who steps on your boundaries or tries to control you.
That is a very very good thing and one of the unexpected positives that can come out of being with A Narcissist.
It’s ok to miss him from time to time because you loved him dearly and now you are trying to heal your heart.
Heartbreak is real so stop trying to deny it.
I know you are angry, really angry that someone would do this to you.
You miss the person he projected at the beginning not the monster he really was.