Only When You Are Ready!!
I’m sorry that you are suffering.
I know how you feel and I battle the same demons even still after almost three years.
I won’t lie to you, getting over A Narcissist is quite literally the same physiological process as beating a drug addiction.
It’s an uphill battle but turning back will be at your own peril.
Narcissists aren’t just jerks and this isn’t a normal betrayal.
Anyone who hasn’t been through it couldn’t possibly understand the torment you are in right now.
You are still thinking about the good times because you are trauma bonded to this man.
The way Narcissistic Abuse works is that The Narcissist doesn’t just show you his true colours immediately and begin the abuse.
First he lay a solid foundation of what seems like genuine love and kindness, passion beyond your wildest dreams called love bombing.
He says all the right things and he looks at you the way men stare adoringly at the leading lady in movies.
He’s perfect and he thinks you are perfect.
He makes you feel loved.
Loved like no one has ever loved you before.
Tell me what more powerful drug is there than this Euphoria?
But then you feel that this is starting to slip and he begins to abandon you in all ways possible.
Maybe he cheats.
Maybe he just goes silent.
Maybe he starts to devalue you and he most certainly begins to gaslight you.
In whatever way he does it, he pulls that rug from under you and leaves you dazed and confused.
Wasn’t this the man who swore he would always be there for you?!
Now he’s telling you that he needs space or
You don’t meet some criteria or that he’s raging on you like a mad man for no reason.
So you try to win back that affection and that love even when it seems that there’s no hope, you still hold on because he made you believe that he cared about you.
He made you believe it!
So you hope for your prayers to be answered and he gets back again with the same love and affection.
And this is the important part.
This is the key to why you feel the way you do.
He has manipulated you psychologically.
Your brain has been rewired to accept and anticipate that him leaving will result in his eventual return and that his return will bring back your happiness.
You have been trained to wait for the day he comes back as it’s the day you will get to feel that love again.
Do you understand why you feel this way?
You feel like he will return, apologise and things will go back to normal because he’s trained you to feel that way.
It’s what he’s always done and it’s what he will continue to do.
But it’s a trick.
It’s a waste of time and a waste of your life.
It will keep you holding on to a false hope.
It will destroy your self esteem if it hasn’t already.
You will grow more and more reliant on someone who is completely unreliable.
And there’s absolutely nothing you can do to change his behaviour or the pattern except to break free.
You will have to repeat this pattern over and over.
You will watch him walk away from you with no compassion, no empathy and not a drop of human decency.
You will lose your dignity and all your happiness.
And the cycle won’t only continue but it will get worse because Narcissists blow past the lines of respect normal people have as boundaries.
He doesn’t care and he definitely never loved you.
And I’m sorry ,, I’m so very sorry because if you aren’t ready to hear this you are going to suffer.
You are going to cry and you are going to suffer.
And no one can stop it but you.
But only when you are ready.
Only when you love yourself enough to keep away from him and to pull yourself out of this abuse.
You deserve better than this.
I know exactly how you feel.
You want to believe that it was true and that it wasn’t all just one big lie.
It’s horrible to think that the good times, the feelings and the love were all just one big manipulation.
It’s the hardest thing I have had to do.
Until I finally just couldn’t lie to myself anymore.
I had seen all there was to see.
I had been torn apart and I only found the end of this torment had to be me finally walking away even with my heart shattered, my mind full of questions and my soul battered.
Because the alternative was to pick myself up, nurse myself back to a functioning state and then let him lie to me for a few more weeks.
Until that time was the last time.
Nothing was worth it anymore.
One day you will get there and I hope that today is that day.
Always remember that you deserve better than this.