Opening Our Hearts Again.
After Emotional Abuse, we may build a protective layer around our hearts to prevent the same hurt from ever happening again.
While this is a noble effort, it is only a temporary solution.
The truth is, we need our hearts for love and compassion.
A mind without a heart tends to slip into depression, irritability, anxiety and paranoia.
And thus the question becomes, how do we open our hearts despite the pain we experienced?
The mind places such a heavy focus on behaviour, it judges, analyses and worries.
The mind convinces us that these things are necessary for our safety, perpetuating the cycle and strengthening its grip over the heart.
For so many of us, these qualities saved us, gave us the ability to identify toxic behaviour and regain our sanity.
So how in the world are we supposed to let go of it?
Especially when love and forgiveness seemed to get us into this mess.
It begins with touching the pain underneath the protective layer.
Years after the abuse has ended our hurt no longer has anything to do with behaviour.
It has to do with a deep, underlying belief caused by that behaviour.
And so healing the pain comes from touching the belief and not focusing on behaviours.
Psychopaths tend to provide a consistent message of pain to their victims, the message was that we are worthless, unloveable, replaceable, and inherently bad.
We can identify and analyse those things with our mind but what does it really feel like?
That is a lot harder to get in touch with and it is what the protective layer tries so desperately to prevent us from ever feeling again.
But it also keeps us trapped in there.
The mind will work hard to sabotage the effort os releasing our feelings to keeps us safe.
But the longer we spend with it, the more we will begin to have moments of actually feeling those beliefs.
These moments are fleeting at first but when it happen it is overwhelming and powerful.
When we feel this raw vulnerability, we will feel completely open, exposed, vulnerable and powerless.
And when that happens we will find that our mind does something new ,, it rushes to offer comfort, love, and sorrow.
The more we have these moments, the easier it will come.
The mind will transform from a tight protective grip around our heart into a loving presence full of compassion and care.
This is our natural human reaction when we see suffering and it is only through feeling our own suffering that we finally begin to offer true and unconditional love to ourselves.
When we focus on the behaviour in ourselves and others, we get mad at ourselves for being triggered, for getting angry, for acting crazy during the relationship, for feeling jealous, for being needy, for not being healed enough, for not seeing the warning signs and the list goes on.
Our protective layer hardens.
It is a never ending cycle because getting mad at ourselves and others only perpetuates those feelings.
When we focus on the vulnerable person beneath all of that, we soften.
Because here is the real truth behind all of this protective layers, behaviours and blame, we are a humans and we deserve love.
The more time we spend with our hurt, the more our protective grip transforms into a loving presence.
We love all of ourselves not just the things that seems good, happy or worthy.
We love the protective layer that was formed to keep us safe when we needed it.
We nurse our heart back to health, instilling it with new beliefs.
So here is the cool thing, in the process of working with our pain, we actually already developed this loving presence that makes it safe to open our hearts again.
This loving presence wants us to be happy.
It discovers and values our needs.
It wants those needs to be met.
Instead of focusing on behaviours, we can simply ask if our needs are being met?
And we will hear the real answer coming from our hearts and not the one that the mind once invented.
The fact is that we will be hurt again.
We will experience heartbreak and loss.
But we will never again absorb the belief of bad self, because in this healing journey, we have found true love for our own heart.
And when we have that, it is always safe to love openly and freely.
With the protective grip our world becomes small, sensitive, rigid, and fearful.
With the loving presence our world becomes light, funny and beautiful.
I began to notice that even though I had spoken much about my suffering which is vital to recovery, I had not yet begun to find the meaning in behind this suffering.
It seemed like I was suffering for no reason.
I had not done anything wrong and I quite honestly tried my very best to live within the the truths I had held so dear most of my life.
I just could not understand why all the sufferings until recently.
The natural outcome after healing is the awareness that love and compassion give our lives a meaning and depth.
We connect more deeply and we see more clearly.
We can now help others from a space of honouring our own suffering and respecting the message within.
We heal ourselves to realise that we are healing others.
The experience wasn’t just about me.
It was about learning to love others through it too.
We finally release the Abusers to the universe, we return to ourselves and we accept that they can not change.
But we can ,, we find that we can be a part perhaps very small of a bigger picture of life as a whole.
We contribute to the sacredness of life.
Our time is no longer spent on those who don’t care.
We continue to love and we carry on.
Our spirit is strong and our backbones are infused with courage.
Our wisdom and our knowledge keeps us from ever returning to such an unnatural place where love can not be expressed.
We learn to say no without judging or analysing ourselves.
We allow ourselves the spontaneous expression of our soul.
Our anger is now replaced with a gentle life force that cares for who we are.
So we receive the greatest gift life has to offer and we get to be who we are.
The deepest lesson which we thought was meaningless was to allow us to open up and be there for one another.