Read This If Life Is Difficult Right Now!!
Ancient cultures understood the dark night of the soul as a time of transformation.
A time when personal strength is tested and the knowledge you have gained over the first half of your life is drawn up from the depths of your being and utilised.
In life we get face-lifts and sports cars.
Couples run screaming from other couples divorcing.
Neighbours turn a blind eye as neighbours go into foreclosure, and fair weather friends back away quickly.
Instead of community support and wise elders to lean on, we are left alone isolated by shame.
What could be viewed as a phoenix rising is considered contagious drama.
For me, only a handful of people knew what was happening while most thought I was suddenly nuts.
In the past I had been the person others leaned on for advice and financial help.
Now I was an empty vessel with very few I can lean on for support.
I looked like hell and felt even worse.
When I woke in the morning I wasn’t sure what to mourn because I have lost too much.
The grip of your biggest fear in the face of utter despair is a cold sharp knife that cuts deeply.
Have you ever experienced your life falling apart all at once?
If you have been there or find yourself there right now, you will know what I mean.
Sometimes during our darkest hours, a great light awakens inside and heightens our awareness.
I learnt many things during that time.
Most of all, I learnt what true happiness was and how to actually be happy, happy when there was nothing outwardly to be happy about.
I learnt that if you have always been the strong one other people lean on, there’s a lot of growth when you ask for help.
I learnt who my real friends were and I learnt I was lovable even when I wasn’t perfect.
I realised nothing material mattered and my only fear was losing my kitten if I had to couch surf.
I tried to hide my pain by going to dinner with friends.
I learnt who truly cared and who was in tune with my subtle changes.
All this taught me to understand this phrase:
While you may only be one person in this world, you may be the world to one person.
In business interviews, I’m required to be clear and strong.
You can’t be broken and effective at the same time so I learnt how to fake it until you make it.
By faking my strength, even my smile, I slowly felt like myself again.
I realised how wasteful I had been with food, clothing and coffee shop stops.
I witnessed the kindness that comes when we admit defeat.
Each morning I forced myself to think of three things to be grateful for before letting my feet hit the carpet.
If I didn’t do this, I would begin my day in the depressed way I had ended the night before.
Soon I began doing this before bed and found that nights got easier.
When the magnitude of my situation would hit mid day, I forced myself to get outside, go for a walk and notice something beautiful.
When life is bleak even the smallest gifts like the song of a bird or the colour of the sky can jar you up a notch.
I listened to or read something inspirational daily.
I couldn’t control the world around me but I could control my inner emotions.
Yes I cried a lot, but I balanced those moments with what I was grateful for and kept moving towards what I wanted ~ stability again.
If I felt desperate and scared, I would imagine my worst case scenario like going on antidepressants or I would have had to ask a friend if I could share dinner with them.
Once I knew my worst case scenario, I was able to relax a tiny bit and focus on what I was grateful for ~ often times the worst case scenario back up plan was the fact that my kitten was laying here next to me loving me no matter what.
When life blows up there is a crystal clarity that comes with it.
All of the issues you have been hiding behind with your job or your money or your relationship are out there in the open.
In the middle of the night, I learnt to pray for help and finally learnt to listen for the answer.
I became the seed that sits in the dark, damp earth waiting for spring, deciding in which direction to send up a sprout.
When life unravels, we are all that seed needing to trust that the darkness we are residing in temporarily, will in the end move us towards our next fertile direction.