Recovering From Abusive Covert Narcissist Injury!
Abuse is an Injury.
It takes time, diligence and care to recover.
Unlike a broken arm, we can’t predict how long it will take and it won’t go nearly as smoothly.
But we can identify the progress and stay out of the line of fire!
Everyone will tell you to get the casualty away from danger.
We do the same thing by removing ourselves from the battlefield sometimes quite literally.
This is why No Contact helps us heal.
It is not to punish him.
It is to give us safety.
Every time we interact with him, we run the risk of opening the wound(s).
Healing is a journey.
I link it to the model developed by psychiatrist Elizabeth Kubler Ross in her work with dying people.
It is not a linear progression.
We can be on any or all of these.
What they do is to help to identify stages of grieving, loss and recovery.
Denial is not necessarily a metaphorical ostrich with it is head in the sand.
Denial can be a purpose.
It keeps us in the relationship, sometimes for life.
Denial can be ignorance.
It can also be a choice.
Many people stay stuck in anger and justifiably so.
But they are also still stuck on the Abuser and the Abuse.
Anger makes us lash out and demand justice.
We forget that it is an unjust world.
Many more feel that anger is bad, particularly women.
Actually it isn’t, it’s an emotion.
And we need to accept that emotion along with logic.
Then it occurs to us that the downs outweigh the ups.
And we kind of figure that one out on our own!
Part of recovery includes accepting our own humanity.
We aren’t saints and that’s ok.
We get vulnerable when we see him or hear about him.
And that’s ok too because we are humans.
We can think in whatever we like.
But we can also choose not to act out on those thoughts.
If we spend any time looking at t.v commercials we may notice that they target depression.
It is the quick fix.
The blue pill that keeps us plugged into the Matrix.
Actually antidepressants do too and it does it on a terrifying level.
Being stuck in depression is happening on a global scale.
You are not alone, Depression is a diagnosis.
Unlike Narcissism it is often another word for something else and in this case Depression is Sadness.
For many people Sadness is the Great Mother of all problems.
We can’t be sad because it is not allowed.
There must be something wrong with us.
If we buy something that will change.
What we don’t accept is our own gut reaction and that it is human to be sad.
Now we have to put our head in the lion’s mouth because that’s how scary it may seem.
But facing ourselves doesn’t have to be scary Loss of Love is a Big Loss.
And as we explore further we may discover that this loss has been a part of us for a very long time, long before we met Mr. Wrong.
It could have Deep Roots.
If we want to solve the riddle for ourselves, we need to understand those injuries.
We need to understand those roots to affect long term healing.
We embrace the cause of sadness at an interesting time and from remarkable sources.
Ancient teachings from Zen Buddhism sound out there, it may not be perfect but we are living in a time where many people are shaking off the shackles and finding solutions.
Simple, effective often rapid and inexpensive solutions.
A lot of hard work that we need to be ready for.
Hard work with hard results.
So always ask for help because a problem shared is a problem cut in half.
Acceptance is being ok with yourself.
It means being ok with the rest of the world.
You are ok with being human.
Narcissists are going to do whatever it is that they do and that’s ok.
I’m good with me today.
Even in the depths of despair, I may see patches of blue sky.
I made it through another New Year’s Eve on my own, and today is another day.
I am going to make the most of it.
If we you want to stay in bed, do it big time, pull out the Kleenex and the box of chocolates, hey! It’s fun.
If you miss him that’s ok too.
Maybe you need a little more Love and that’s good!
Recovery for me today feels a bit like Scrooge waking up on Christmas Morning.
I’m in one piece.
I have been given another chance.
I have loads of love in me and I can give it freely.
I can lead my own insane, hilarious, stupid, delightfully manic life and nothing can stop me.
I do it because I love life.
I’m glad I’m here.
I’m glad you are too.
Sharing and helping others means a great deal to me.
I hope that in time others will help others recover too.