Stop Beating Yourself Up!!
I too begged and when that didn’t work I begged even more.
It’s humiliating at its core, it’s shameful and embarrassing and then it’s an awakening.
An awakening into your body, your spirit and your visceral reactions to the drug.
Yes the drug because that’s exactly what it was.
There is no shame in accepting defeat as it’s only freedom from what binds you.
The stages of the relationship are what gets us hooked and our past of trauma is what makes us vulnerable.
So celebrate the lesson and see this as your opportunity to finally break the cycle.
The cycle of abuse, dysfunction and addiction.
My stages of getting over him were,
• Complete disbelief and lots of begging.
• Utter confusion and more begging for clarity.
• Despair and more begging for resolution.
• Anger and less begging but more crying.
• Enlightenment and attempts to enlighten him.
• Sadness and sappy texts.
• More sadness and then I decided to stop contacting him and sink in my sadness.
• Forgiveness for myself and trying to forgive him because it was crucial.
• Worthiness which in the words of Marisa Peer “I‘m enough” ,, say it, write it and repeat it every second of every day until you believe it.
Who is telling you that you are worthless?
Believe me you have done nothing wrong.
You were only looking for answers as to why someone who you thought loved you could discard you.
Please join the rest of us because we have all been where you are now.
He was someone who made you feel special and unique.
He listened to you and seemed to hang on to your every word, feedback or action for a while.
He then slowly dripped his acid like comments into the conversation and you started to doubt yourself.
If you have ever watched how a Sheepdog controls sheep, you would know that he does it with stealth and the unsuspecting sheep go where it is herded.
You don’t even realise that he’s doing it.
Abusive people back you into the proverbial corner in a similar fashion.
Before you know it he is the most important person and you are quite frankly not worth listening to.
Your confidence is eroded and by the end of the relationship you have a very little or no idea to what happened.
This is when you believe that you are worthless and you will repeat it many times.
Please be kind to yourself because you are no less worthy than the rest of us.
Once you recognise where this sense of worthlessness’ coming from you will then be able to take back control over your life.