That What If Question!!
I was recently asked by A Narcissist’s Victim, What if I really love The Narcissist and want to love him for a lifetime?
Knowing exactly how she feels because I was exactly where she was not so long ago.
I took a deep breath and told her,
First of all you are free to love anyone you want to love.
If you want to love A Narcissist for a lifetime then you are free to do just that.
I will advise you to proceed with caution if you must proceed at all.
If you are aware that he is A Narcissist then you must know what A Narcissist is and have most likely done some research on Narcissism.
Even if he isn’t A Narcissist there has to be a reason why that person is now in the past.
I don’t know and I won’t presume to know but I will tell you what I do know.
You can’t fix this person.
No amount of love is going to magically fix A Narcissist.
A Narcissist will love bomb you and idealise you.
Put you high on a pedestal and get you addicted to him and then he will get bored.
Next comes the devaluation.
Subtle or not so subtle put downs.
Insults, criticism and comparing you to others.
He always has someone lined up because he must always have his supply, primary or otherwise.
Then comes the discard.
You may feel discouraged at this point and I won’t blame you.
A Narcissist is almost never truly done with his Victims.
He wants to keep his options open and leave them hanging.
You will get no closure from A Narcissist.
He wants to be able to hoover you for Narcissistic Supply when needed.
Wash, rinse and repeat for a lifetime.
If you can handle this never ending cycle then you are all set.
I certainly wouldn’t recommend it to anyone.
But I want you to know what you are getting yourself into.
Please think this very carefully.
Because you and I know that you deserve so much better.