That’s How They Try To Destroy You In Silence.
Silence is one of any Narcissist’s best weapons.
They don’t want their victims to talk to anyone about what The Narcissist is doing nor do they want their victim to feel safe enough to confront them on their Abusive Behaviour.
To prevent those things from happening, they use various ways to silence victims.
An extremely common tactic Narcissists use is Gaslighting.
If A Narcissist can convince A Victim that something happened differently than they remember or it didn’t even happen in the first place, The Victim won’t discuss the event.
Why would they?
Convincing victims that they don’t remember things right or are making up some wild stories will keep them quiet.
They feel crazy enough, why should they say things that would make them look crazy too?
Shaming is an effective weapon to create silence as well.
If A Narcissist can convince a victim that the victim is a terrible person, that victim will be quiet.
That person feels as if she/he is stupid or crazy or even unworthy to burden other people.
A person who carries shame is a quiet person.
I know because I have been there.
Granted, I’m quiet by nature but prior to learning about shame, it was much worse.
I felt there was something deeply wrong with me for being upset about the terrible things the man I loved once did to me, so I kept most things to myself.
As a result, when he started to destroy my reputation, no one cared to hear my side and everyone took his side with only a couple of exceptions.
They never heard me complain before so they figured everything must have been ok between us.
Another facet of shaming is when A Narcissist is confronted about their behaviour and states that this behaviour wouldn’t upset him.
Projection is also effective for silencing a victim.
When A Narcissist accuses a victim of some terrible behaviour, it usually stuns The Victim.
Most people will assume The Narcissist is right, examine their behaviour and try to make improvements, at least until they learn about projection and understand what is being done to them.
Triangulation is another effective way Narcissists silence victims.
If A Narcissist can convince their victim that other people would think, feel or respond as The Narcissist, that will make the victim feel isolated.
The victim may think he/she is crazy, stupid, oversensitive and a host of other awful things.
Who would want to talk when they feel that way?
Invalidation is another excellent way to silence a victim.
Invalidation basically says that every single thing about you is wrong, flawed and even crazy.
It makes a person feel as if they can’t trust their own thoughts, feelings or perceptions.
No one who feels that messed up is going to be able to confront A Narcissist or tell others that they are being abused.
In fact, invalidation makes people feel as if they are NOT being abused and that they are completely wrong and crazy for thinking such a thing in the first place.
Creating anxiety and fear in A Victim also makes them quiet.
If a victim is afraid of another, that victim isn’t going to want to do anything that may provoke their anger.
In fact, they will do anything to avoid that anger.
That often includes refusing to confront their Abuser or tell anyone about the abuse.
After all, what if the person they tell confronts The Abuser?
It is much safer to keep the abuse a secret.
No one can forget A Narcissistic Rage.
These happen when A Narcissist receives A Narcissistic Injury of some sort which basically is a blow to their self-esteem.
Talking to others about The Narcissist’s Abusive ways or confronting A Narcissist about it is definitely A Narcissistic Injury and will result in A Rage.
The rage of An Overt Narcissist is usually loud and vicious; Name calling and cursing aren’t above them.
The rage of A Covert Narcissist is much quieter and it involves the silent treatment and scathing criticisms to make you feel intense guilt.
A person would do about anything to avoid this rage and that includes suffering in silence, not telling anyone about the abuse they endure or confronting The Narcissist about it.
Diversion is another excellent way to silence victims.
Anyone who has confronted A Narcissist has no doubt seen this in action.
The conversation starts out with a victim stating that they have a problem with The Narcissist’s behaviour and it ends up discussing something entirely different.
Often, it ends up with The Narcissist accusing the victim of some awful or even abusive behaviour and the victim apologising.
The original topic was abandoned and no resolution was made but sometimes that diversion isn’t so obvious though.
Sometimes, The Narcissist simply changes the subject and continues to ramble on and on, leaving the victim so frustrated that they give up.
Lastly Smear Campaigns are very commonly used.
If A Narcissist can’t stop you from confronting them or telling others what they have done to you, they will not hesitate to tell everyone they meet what a terrible person you are.
They will have plenty of evidence to prove their point even if they have to lie about it.
If they can discredit you, they know others won’t believe what you say.
It is also A Revenge; You made them look bad so they are returning the favour.
When these things happen, remember that these are simply tactics that are supposed to silence you.
Don’t give in!
You have every right to talk to whoever about whatever you want.
It’s your life, The Narcissist is only a part of it.
If that person wanted you to speak kinder about him then he should have behaved better.