The Apology That You Will Never Receive!
Narcissists can take you from heaven to hell in a no time flat.
Having a relationship with one can be so challenging that when the relationship ends, you will spin for months and maybe years trying to figure out what the heck just happened.
Please say you are sorry, so I can heal and move forward.
I want to make you see why it is hard to heal from such a relationship and the reason behind your obsessive need to have him apologise for hurting you so much.
Narcissists rarely apologise, if ever.
In a Narcissists’ mind, it is you who turned the relationship sour.
To a Narcissist It is a oneway relationship satisfaction contract.
You supply complete support, love and admiration so he feels good.
Then, you are permitted to bask in the sunshine of his love.
It is when your needs start to surface that he will begin to withdraw his love.
Narcissists don’t enter a relationship to meet others’ needs.
When the spotlight turns to you, he will lose interest.
And, seemingly out of nowhere, the relationship ends.
Of course, you will feel hurt and bitter.
You want an acknowledgement of the pain he caused you.
It is understandable that you want this, but given the way a Narcissistic Personality is formed it is unreasonable.
Narcissists are not built for apologies.
They have developed inflated views of themselves to shore up a very fragile self esteem.
At their core, they don’t feel good about themselves.Remember, the narrowly defined image of perfection that he projects out to the world and the energy he puts into protecting it?
This tells you just how threatened he is by any communication that views him as less.
Remember also that Empathising is not in his vocabulary.
The only pain he really feels is the loss of your complete support, love and admiration.
The apology that you are waiting for is up against longstanding and nearly impenetrable personality defences against admitting imperfection that even the best therapists have difficulty breaking through.
The real question is what makes you wait for an apology that will never come?
By insisting upon a statement of regret, remorse, empathy and guilt, you keep the relationship going in your mind.
Why would you do this, if you are in so much pain?
The apology is the last connection to the relationship.
It is the connection you really desire that keeps you stuck, rather than the apology.
It is difficult to drop the final connection to a relationship that made you feel on top of the world.
There is nothing quite as wonderful as basking in the sunshine of a Narcissist’s love when things are good.
When you are ready to let go, you will require the apology much less.
You won’t need him to justify your pain anymore.
You know what you went through and you don’t need an outside confirmation of what happened.