The Dark Truth Behind The Dreaded Discard …
Anyone who knows anything about the phases of a relationship with a Narcissistic Individual understands all too well, The Dreaded Discard Stage.
If you are just learning about Narcissistic Traits, the Discard Phase is where you seemingly fall from grace in the Narcissist’s eyes and he begins telling you all that is supposedly wrong with you.
Why you are not a good relationship material and where he begins playing the field or returning to one of his Exes.
For someone who is deeply in love with the Narcissist by this point, the Discard can feel utterly devastating.
So much so that it often literally destroys lives,.
Many people who feel they have been discarded truly believe that the Narcissist will never give them the time of day again.
Indeed that the Narcissist can barely stand to be in the same room with them or even the sight of them.
To add insult to injury, they believe they will never see the Narcissist again.
And in some cases, the Narcissist does leave and never to be heard from again.
But that is not what usually happens.
If you are in the process of a seeming Discard then follow closely because the truth is most Discards are not what it initially seem.
The Truth behind Most Discards.
1. Most Discards are the beginning of the Triangulation Phase and the Narcissist isn’t really done with you yet.
In your mind everything was going along swimmingly when out of nowhere the Narcissist became disenchanted with the relationship.
Suddenly all the little things he first loved about you became the bane of his existence.
Then, the Narcissist started dropping hints about other people who were interested in him.
Perhaps a Coworker or an Ex.
Before you knew it, the Narcissist began ramping up his Silent Treatments or started showing complete indifference toward your relationship.
Try as you did, you could not gain back the Narcissist’s affections.
You became damaged goods and completely unredeemable in his eyes.
This is one of the blueprint routines of Narcissistic Individuals.
As personal as it seems to you it really is just a page out of his playbook.
It’s Narcissist code 09.11-1967, the only way he can make you understand what a good thing you have lost is to make you feel like a total dud.
Discarded Victims who feel like duds will most likely try to win back the love of a former partner because bad love is better than no love, am I right?
Tip ,, There is nothing more empowering to an Injured Narcissist than to have two people dying for his affection.
Not because the Narcissist cares about either of them but because it makes the Narcissist feel commanding and elusive, a real catch.
2. The seed of Discards is the Narcissist’s partners inevitably expressing disappointment or displeasure in something the Narcissist does or says.
Maybe the Narcissist started going dark on you, not answering your calls and ignoring your text messages.
Whatever it was, the Narcissist couldn’t be bothered and he needed to remind you of how valuable he is, especially since you pointed out one or more of his shortcomings.
Plus, he needed to remind himself of how valuable he is, hence the newcomer in his life.
Someone who will give him unbridled attention, praise and unsullied admiration.
But don’t be fooled by Appearances.
The Narcissist may be convincing, insisting that his new partner is all that you could never be.
But the truth is, all what the Narcissist wants is someone who will fall for his fake charm while gaining a new or a recycled admirer.
Since you know what the Narcissist is really like, you no longer fall into that category, even if you want to.
But, to take advantage of your crushed heart, he will want to remain friends with you.
This is so he can tell you all about his new love, make you pine for him and fall at his ankles in exchange for a crumb of his attention.
Tip ,, Don’t be shocked or confused by the Narcissist acquiring a new partner and then wanting to see you on the side.
This is Not a Deep Mystery.
There is no possibility of the Narcissist choosing one of you over the other.
There won’t be any epiphanies.
It is simply a matter of Triangulation.
3. Narcissists don’t need people he can attach to or form strong, emotional bonds with.
What he needs is constant, unswerving, unblemished validation.
Preferably from someone whom the Narcissist believes is intelligent, successful and most of all diplomatic.
But, don’t believe for a second that if you give these things to him, your relationship can be salvaged.
The irony is if you give up your entire identity to placate the Narcissist, he will become bored and repelled and seek new supply anyway.
Tip ,, Do not believe that once he Discards you, you are no longer intelligent or successful.
You might be distracted or unfocused due to Emotional Manipulation but having been Narcissistically Abused is not a gauge for intelligence.
It is Not a Cognitive Matter.
4. By the time the discard happens, the Narcissist has typically already groomed a new supply.
The tiniest perceived insult drives the easily offended Narcissist to seek out other supply who is naïve as a young lamb.
Don’t try to make rhyme or reason of it.
Tip ,, Replacement ≠ True Love or Fairytales for the Narcissist.
Replacement = Unlimited supply in the form of admiration, money, sympathy and oodles of second chances.
5. The Narcissist hasn’t had The Divine Epiphany after having been apart from you.
Each of us who have been caught up in the vicious cycle of abuse has fallen for Narcissist’s Divine Epiphany.
You know where the angels parted the clouds and instilled divine insight into the centre of the Narcissist’s brain that he is losing out on his only chance for True Love.
And we fall for it despite all the disastrous hoovering stints, the bait and switch games, and the failed attempts we have made at being a saviour.
We truly believe the Narcissist has seen the light and has come back to us a completely changed person.
As good as it feels in the moment, it is simply another page out of his playbook.
How do you know if the Narcissist’s discarding of you is permanent or temporary?
There is no way to know for sure.
If the Narcissist in question is a grudge holder, then you probably won’t hear from him for a long time, if ever.
The grudge holding, disappearing Narcissist is not the most common scenario though.
And it is hard to tell if your Narcissist falls into this category as he may fall off the grid for weeks, months, or even years, making it seem that the discard is permanent and that is why it is so unpredictable.
The more common outcome is that the Narcissist will Triangulate, eventually want to be friends with benefits and offer a false confession that he has made the worst mistake of his life.
And if you take him back, it will be the worst mistake of yours.
Whether the Discard is Permanent or Temporary should be up to you, not him.
His motives are intrinsically Unstable.
You need to determine if you are willing to be someone’s emotional punching bag and second choice for the rest of your life or if you believe that you deserve better.