The Flying Monkeys!
Flying Monkeys is a phrase used in popular psychology mainly in the context of Narcissistic Abuse.
They are people who act on behalf of a Narcissist to a third party usually for an Abusive purposes.
Flying monkeys are distinct from enablers.
Flying Monkeys are the brainwashed minions the Narcissist uses to carry out his bidding.
This might sound immature and downright psychotic and it might be difficult to believe that anyone would stoop so low as to use others to carry out his dirty work for him, but it happens more often than you might realise.
How Narcissists Use Flying Monkeys?
If you have been involved with a Narcissist for some time, you know damned well how he can manipulate other people to suit his own whims and needs.
One common instance where flying monkeys are recruited is after a breakup.
The Narcissist will undoubtedly charm a few new people to bolster his ego and these newbies will be told all about how horrible, crazy and possibly even abusive you were.
These new people are likely to be compassionate, empathic sorts and will immediately want to comfort and protect the Narcissist as best as they can.
They may offer to help however they can, which gives the Narcissist a perfect opportunity to keep working his evil magic in your life.
These Flying Monkeys may be manipulated into helping the Narcissist in,
Gossip and Smear Campaigns,
Most of us are prone to gossiping now and again, but when it’s taken to a whole other level and you are the poor sucker being talked about which can make you feel awful.
Sadly Narcissists and their minions engage in this type of bullying behaviour all the time.
It is really pathetic and juvenile thing to do, but if they feel in any way slighted and want to punish you for daring to halt their power trip and control over you, they might stoop to a smear campaign.
If you are unfamiliar with this concept, the basic idea is to turn other people against you.
They do this by either telling them lies about horrible things you have said or done or taking things that you told them in confidence and making it public.
The intent is to punish you for whatever wrongdoings you have imagined about him and to make sure that he takes the initiative and paint you as the bad one before you have a chance to do the same thing to him.
Flying Monkeys can assist in this method by adding additional voices to the chorus of whatever is being slung about you.
After all, a disgruntled victim is easily dismissed as such but if several people are saying the same thing across various social circles, there is got to be truth in that, Right?
Quite often the smear campaign will involve mutual friends and coworkers.
This makes it extremely damaging and can lead to the deterioration in multiple important relationships in one go.
How To Avoid This,
Rise Above ,, sounds like a trite and overused phrase.
Be the best, truest version of yourself rather than trying to retaliate or defend yourself.
If someone calls you out about horrible things you have supposedly done to the Narcissist in question, just express that you wish the Narcissist happiness and wish him well.
This will confuse the monkeys and make them second guess whether the information they have been fed is true.
Basically if you don’t behave like the awful person he has said that you are, he is quite likely to give up and fly away.
It may even snap some people, particularly those who knew you before the Narcissist so remind them of who you really are and not who the Narcissist is making you out to be.
Ignore what is being said, block those people who are outwardly horrible and abusive toward you and keep on keeping on.
Group Attacks And Interventions,
This tactic involves a group of Flying Monkeys working together in an attempt to convince you that a certain type of behaviour is in your best interest.
Only it is actually in the Narcissist’s whom they are representing.
How To Avoid Stop This,
If you are unable to cut all of them out of your life immediately, then the best thing you can do is to refuse to react.
Recognise their manipulation and attempt at FOG Fear, Obligation, and Guilt, and do not engage with them.
A good technique is when they are talking, get them to explain their stance and their reasons behind what they are saying and keep asking them to talk about what they have been told, what they know and what they want, but do NOT try to defend your own behaviour or make any attempt of telling your side of the story.
The mere fact that they have taken this intervening action means that they have little interest in anything you have to say, and have allowed themselves to be totally influenced and manipulated by the Narcissist Abuser.
Once they have had their say, you can point out that they have obviously come to their own ideas and conclusions without ever talking to you and getting your side of the story, so their opinions are invalid and you have no interest in anything they have to say. End of Discussion.
Just make absolutely sure that you remain calm and emotionally disengaged throughout the experience.
Their goal is to make you nervous and flustered, and if you remain objective, calm and show little to no emotional investment, then you have gained the upper hand and they can’t affect you at all.
People can’t hurt you if you don’t grant them access to you either physically or emotionally.
If you can’t remove yourself physically from the Narcissist and his Flying Monkey brigade, then at the very least you can remove yourself emotionally.
It can be incredibly difficult and painful to do this, especially if the Flying Monkeys are family members or woven closely into your social life but you have to take care of yourself by whatever means necessary.