The Greatest Mistake!
Perhaps I needed to be broken first before I can finally become whole.
Painful love is the worst kind of heartbreak.
It’s the one I had such high hopes for.
The one I gambled everything for only to find it was a bet that would never be won.
So I broke into a million small pieces of myself and wondered how I could have gotten it so wrong.
I made mistakes in love.
I chose people based on the lessons that my soul needed to learn without realising that it’s usually those difficult lessons I needed to experience the most.
I can’t be changed by ease and I can’t have my mind break open by the mundane, instead it can only happen when I’m left with nothing but myself and my regrets.
Maybe there is no such thing as a mistake if I indeed needed it to learn more about who am I and how I love but still there’s a love I wish I could rewind and just take back.
The one its ending was too painful for me to want to permanently claim as part of my history.
But no matter how much I wished that this love was something other than what it was, it will never change the reality that the only reason I needed this love in my life was for it to break my heart.
The thing is, I needed that big mistake to help propel me towards the love of my life.
I needed to be broken in order to find out how I want to put myself back together.
Sometimes maybe the biggest mistake of my life was a relationship that I should have walked away from the minute it began or at the very least should have let go of long before I actually did and way before it all went downhill.
But I didn’t and it’s not because it was meant to be but because without it I might have never realised what love truly is.
I have always had the choice to stay in a relationship that is a constant battle of wills and ideals.
Yet no matter how many times I had hoped it will end differently or just maybe work that time around it never did.
This is because it was never meant to.
My mistake was meant to end bitterly and catastrophically.
Its purpose was to rock me to my core and challenge my very self and my beliefs about love.
I was meant to question what went wrong and to wonder what love really means to me.
This isn’t an overnight process but one that I needed to take the time to immerse myself in until I no longer had to hide from the truth that my heart whispered.
It’s a state of healing that made me know that I can send someone my love but I can also walk away with my head high and my faith strong knowing that I haven’t messed up the best thing I ever had.
Because the love of my life is out there waiting for me and when We meet there will be no question about why I needed to have my heart broken in the way it did.
There won’t be battles to conquer or qualities to be changed.
There won’t be unfulfilled needs or drama around every corner.
In reality this love is going to show me why none of my previous relationships worked out.
Because all along it was only leading me to this, to the person who was created just for me and somehow through the meandering paths that life took, ended up not being perfect but still being perfect for me.
My worst mistake and my deepest heartbreak is only meant to help lead me to the love of my life because without it I might have never known what that actually looks like.
The love of my life will only come when I’m ready for it.
When I have broken apart who I thought I should have been and instead embraced who I am.
This love will only appear when I have gained the ability to believe that I deserve what I want.
The love of my life won’t look or feel like anything I have ever experienced.
It might come softly or it might even enter as a wrecking ball.
It might come dressed as friendship or perhaps something so hot I thought for sure I would get burnt.
But because of that great mistake I’m not the same person I once was so I will approach love differently as well.
I will look for peace instead of the intensity of a storm.
I will allow myself to gaze past the superficial and instead appreciate the energy that this person brings into my life and revel in the new-found depths of connection that I’m experiencing.
Slowly I will realise that it’s not necessarily who someone is but rather what type of person he brings out in me that determines whether it’s a once in a lifetime kind of love.
With time an understanding develops that love should not only feel like it adds value to my life but it should also help me become the best possible version of myself.
Only a great love can raise me to greatness.
And that’s the thing about the love of my life.
It may not end up being who I thought it will and it may still not come without challenges but there’s just something about it that will make me want to be better.
It’s a love that will inspire me and show me that perhaps I’m not scared at all and that just maybe I haven’t screwed up as badly as I thought I did.
Because finally I will realise that my “great mistake” was really a north star all along leading me to the love of my life.
~ “Sometimes the bad things that happen in our lives put us directly on the path to the best things that will ever happen to us” ~