Being involved with A Narcissist is an existential journey, to say the very least!
It involves layers of growth.
He arrived in your life for a reason and I believe that reason is for your own awakening and self-improvement.
Yes, something in your value system attracted you to him.
Ask yourself what were those things you value that you saw in him?
Yes, something about his value system attracted him to you.
You can try to understand that as well.
He has very different values, if you take the time to study it.
Yes, initially, there is something very magical about your connection.
How would you describe it?
Work at putting words to it and write it down.
Yes, there will be cracks in the relationship.
A Narcissist can’t uphold his perfect persona very long.
It’s an outward image of a perfect person he spends a lot of energy trying to maintain.
He tends to show those cracks behind closed doors much sooner.
And it’s truly bewildering to his partner.
The outside world is still masterfully kept ignorant of it.
Once you have identified that you are in a relationship with A Narcissist, will spend some time being hurt and being angry.
You may try to salvage the relationship by teaching The Narcissist about what he is and what he can do to change and be a better person.
Or you may try to hurt The Narcissist back, so he can feel for himself how much it hurts.
You may even offer support to go into counselling.
The Narcissist will lash back, pointing the finger at you and projecting all these negative labels back onto you.
It’s You, not Him.
And in fact, YOU have a hundred more bad qualities than he does, it’s you who needs help, not him.
You begin to realise that your relationship is unhealthy.
You have really let him cross all the boundaries that a self-respecting person has built in a lifetime and you may be literally whittled down to nothingness.
Once you have given up on trying to mend this sick relationship and a co-dependent has such a high tolerance for unending pain and self-sacrifice, you must tend to yourself and to your own repair because there has undoubtedly been much damage and many assaults made upon your psyche.
It’s at this stage that you begin the next phase of your journey.
You begin to heal and you begin to awaken to all the mental connections and associations that were always there but you never saw it before.
Now, you can spot the behaviours better than ever.
Now, you can begin to look at yourself and understand how and why you were so easily charmed by him in the first place.
You begin to realise that not everyone saw him the way you did.
So why was it so difficult for you to recognise then and avoid the situation at all.
That would have been nice if someone just told me or taught me about this potential, right?
However you pass through this journey, it’s your journey to have no matter how it unfolds or how it ends up.
Nobody can really tell you how long it will last because it all depends on how long you are willing to hold on and waiting for things to change in him.
It really does depend on you and your willingness to take an honest and open look at yourself and how you arrived where you are with him in the first place.