The Making Of A Monster.
Why don’t you love me?
After everything I’ve done how could you not love me?
At some point everyone that has been involved with A Narcissist has wondered these same thoughts.
That someone promised you the moon and the stars and delivered nothing and then discarded you like a bad habit.
This is so hard to come to terms with.
A Narcissist’s behaviour defies reason.
It doesn’t make sense because it’s not logical.
Instead it’s cruel, harmful and unnecessary.
It causes us so much turmoil because we never saw it coming.
It wasn’t even on our radar because that kind of thinking and behaviour is so foreign to the rest of us.
There are thousands and thousands of stories from victims of Narcissistic Abuse that are absolutely horrific and heart wrenching and it leaves us shaking our heads, wondering ‘How could somebody do that?’
Many when they discover that their partner has a problem they become expert detectives and scientists to try and learn all they can about it.
They want to keep their mate so badly that they will go to any lengths to do so.
We know that deep at the heart of every Narcissist is an insatiable need for attention and admiration.
Feeding it is A Narcissist’s main objective and all other things are secondary.
From a detached, clinical perspective, A Narcissist’s behaviour makes perfect sense.
When A Narcissist sees what he wants, he will move heaven and earth to get it and once he has it, he discards it.
And because it is necessary to his survival, he has become incredibly efficient at learning all the right moves to get what he needs and in the shortest amount of time.
Why Is He Like This?
His behaviour hits us hard because we know that we would never do that to anyone.
We know that this behaviour isn’t normal, it’s unnecessarily cruel and lacking in compassion.
It can seem downright evil.
And for most of the kind hearted, altruistic victims he acquires, the question of
Where does this come from?
Why does he behave like this?
How can I fix him? ,, becomes exceedingly significant.
The answer isn’t so simple.
There is no consensus among researches as to the cause of Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
Some are firmly on the camp of Nature and some on the side of Nurture.
I contend that in some cases it’s nature a biological component and in some cases it’s nurture neglect and abuse and in other cases it’s both.
I don’t think there has to be a one size fits all recipe for how and why the impairment comes to exist.
If you are involved with A Narcissist the how’s and why’s really are irrelevant despite your need to understand and fix the problem.
No amount of your suffering is going to change things.
No amount of your giving is going to change things.
No amount of your love and endless devotion is going to change things.
Trying to fix A Narcissist is a futile endeavour, no matter how much you may want to.
When it comes to relationships and people you really only have two choices, either to accept them as they are or to leave.
Being involved with A Narcissist is painful and damaging to your wellbeing.
Don’t try to be a martyr and stay because you believe you can help him or that he needs you.
All people are deserving of our understanding and compassion but when it comes to A Narcissist do it from afar.
Because while you may feel a strong connection and attachment you have to know that he doesn’t share the same feelings ,, at least not in the same way.
Although he is very good at saying the right words and feigning a connection when it suits him but anyone who is involved with A Narcissist knows that something is off.
Normal healthy relationships develop into a trust and evolve into intimacy where there’s respect and reciprocity.
A relationship with A Narcissist will never grow, will never evolve, there will never be trust, there will never be respect and it will always be all about him.
Remember that you deserve better.
Stop looking for answers to solve his problems and listen to your gut feelings instead.
Heal your own wounds and give up the need to build somebody else up.
Know that these Emotional Vampires walk among us, they can blend in and act like us but they are not like us.
Learn how to spot them and get away before the life gets sucked out of you and then you will be left walking around like a zombie.
Always remember what he is.
I know that the need to understand and fix is extremely high in many of us but the efforts to bring life to this monster is wasted unless maybe you are Dr Frankenstein but then again, it didn’t work out so well for him either.