The Narcissist Diminish Your Sense Of Reality By Lying, Accusing, Gaslighting, Projecting, Stonewalling, Blame Shifting, Raging And The Silent Treatment!
Reality is the state of things presented objectively exactly the way that they really exist or existed.
The way they really happen and have happened.
The way it all rests on fully supported facts, that amount to irrefutable and incontrovertible evidence is ALWAYS under constant attack by The Narcissist.
Yet, reality is what most people depend upon to live their lives peacefully, productively, and happily.
Since The Narcissist is at constant war with reality, a battle which lasts through their entire life and all the way to the grave, they have to have a war strategy and tactics to use in their battles, that war strategy is to deploy the tactics listed above.
They think it is the best way to win the war against reality and they are always ready to take whatever steps necessary to cover up what they are really doing as well as manufacturing a defence for themselves to avoid taking any responsibility for their despicable actions should they be exposed.
They will come up with as many layers of plausible deniability as needed to cover themselves with and these are often crafted in advance just in case something goes wrong and they get caught or exposed.
It is the type of thought process you would only expect of highly functioning criminals.
They may employ one of these tactics, some in combination or all of them simultaneously, whatever is necessary to win each battle and gain victory over reality.
Unfortunately in their quest to conquer reality they leave behind a lot of collateral damage in the form of Mental and Emotional Damage to people who did nothing to deserve any of it.
They have no conscience and no real identity and this is a dangerous combination of characteristics which amounts to an almost limitless recipe for total abandonment of social norms, mind blowing sadistic cruelty, and complete devaluation of other people all under the guise of “one of the nicest people you will ever meet” It is Scary.
From their constant war with reality, it follows that they and the people closest to them, who, more often than not, hold a view of reality that is objective, not imagined, are ultimately locked into a dynamic that logically dooms the relationship.
It is outrageous to be expected to willingly play along, disconnect from reality, ignore facts, overlook indefensible evidence and then after all of that knowingly become their doormat for whatever else they have in store for you in the future.
Does that sound good or bad or maybe just a bit horrific?
I think the answer to that is self evident.
Have I recovered from being involved in The Narcissist’s war and the damage he caused? No not fully.
I’m not fully over it all but I am more healed today than I was a year ago.
My sense of reality has not decreased, if anything, I have a better relationship with reality now than I did when I was with him, he was disconnected from reality and expected me to join him.
Reconnecting firmly with reality and accepting things as they really were not what someone wanted me to pretend they were, was the foundation of my decision to get him out of my life.
Being part of this and sharing my experience together with reading about other people’s experiences has been a huge help in my healing process.
When I was with him, I knew I was loving him the right way.
After all it was the only way I knew how to love.
When I found out that all what he did and was doing was just a lie, I was totally devastated.
It took the wind out of me and interfered with who I have always been, A Loving Soul.
I didn’t know how to deal with all of it so I did what I always do best and that was to go back to what I knew.
The thinker, The Consoler, The Well Put Together Woman who knew how to live on her terms.
I owned up to being lied to and over looking momentarily all the lies and the mind games.
When I figured it out, I cried, I hurt a lot and blamed myself for sometime.
The rollercoaster of love and hate to devalue and discard, the control and domination shrunk my reality.
The Verbal Abuse and threats diminished my self esteem.
Feeling trapped and not being able to escape the prison because of LOVE and not being able to reason with my supposed loved one was mind bending.
I became a shadow of my former self.
Very gradually shrinking.
Then the final discard, The Brutal Reality of the whole catalogue of deception and fraud.
Cut throat abandonment and shameless betrayal shocked and traumatised me.
I was a zombie in The Narcissist’s afterlife.
My reality then was so profoundly painful that even breathing felt like it was an achievement.
Also the delusional shock by the cruel hate and fuelled actions towards me.
I had to stop and ask myself who am I again?
It is amazing how quickly I have regained my anchorage focus and detoxed myself from the prick of the century.
Now I’m proudly enjoying the no contact.
I’m proud I freed myself from The Narcissist and proud of myself for pulling myself out of a deep dark hellhole that only few people can relate to.
I knew that the storm was hard and furious but I had to get through it.
I buckled down, went cold turkey, hurt like hell and then started to walk slowly through the whole situation.
I have distanced myself from the initial pain that did hurt so bad of which until now I can’t describe the depth of the pain I endured because of his ultimate betrayal.
Don’t get me wrong the pain is still there but it doesn’t hurt like before.
He doesn’t occupy my mind like he used to and I don’t care about him at all.
I stopped looking for him to come back and now I don’t even want him to come back.
I thank everyone for their courage and wisdom who have shared their experiences.
It helps us all to relate to what we have all experienced and to move toward healing.