The Narcissist Handbook!
Funny isn’t it how all Narcissists use the same technique!
We need to look at this in a different way.
It’s not that they know the cycle but they are the cycle.
Male or female, they are identical.
A Narcissist feels so black inside that when he meets you, a lovely charismatic, strong, happy, attractive and a successful individual he wants to possess you because you make the black feeling go away temporarily as long as he feels in love.
He mirrors what you want him to be so you can love him and never leave.
He will be your perfect mate as long as you will give him what he needs; affection, praise, adulation and a pedestal to stand on.
Obviously to him this is love-bomb .
It’s just falling in love with someone worthy of him.
As he starts to see that you are only a human it will disappointment him.
The LoveBombing will start to slow down and the real person starts to poke away at you now.
You have stopped making him feel wonderful and it’s your fault because to him you are not what you said you would be.
The lust part of the relationship has come to an end and he doesn’t like the more comfy part because it’s not so exciting and that’s your fault.
You are obviously not as good as him.
Less compliments now as you don’t deserve it.
You will try harder to look better, be more efficient, earn more, see less of the friends he doesn’t approve of and in fact boom ,, There it is.
You are now craving his affection, trying so hard to please him and restore the connection you thought you had.
This is now something he likes, this is how it should be, you are giving him loads of attention, trying to please him and to make him love you more.
You don’t even know that you are doing it.
Now you hit the devalue stage.
He wouldn’t call it that but he would call it the I have got her hooked stage.
This is not something he has to think about how to do because it’s who he is and it’s how he treats people.
This is the real person.
He is devaluing you and making you feel bad because ultimately you can’t be better than him.
No one is and he’s going to prove it.
He now treats you with contempt because he has to break you down.
He is always been better than you ,, you will serve him and you will feel pain emotionally and you will concede control over all your decisions because you will subconsciously be aware that if you make the wrong choice there will be a consequence.
If you make the right choice there maybe a reward.
So now he controls you and it’s obvious who’s the best.
He knew that from the start he just needed to show you because you didn’t realise it.
You thought you were someone special and that was silly.
Now you are where he wants you and you have disappointed him so much so he’s forced to go back into the pool of supply and fish again.
The more supply he has the more of his real self he can really show you because he has a back up plan.
If you are in a long term relationship then you may have uses like being a mother, a housekeeper, a trophy wife/girlfriend or a business partner so discard is not so likely.
Oh God, every Decent Successful Narcissist has an illusion to uphold.
If you are just a romantic partner then sorry, you will most likely be discarded if a new supply is preferable.
If you are the primary source for The Narcissist then you will be extra held onto but if you get wind of his other life then love-bomb goes into overdrive as he does acknowledge that slaves are necessary to carry on the status quo.
You will not escape.
But don’t despair because any new supply will be subject to the exact same treatment as you.
It’s all quite the same in the end.
Eventually even if you have been discarded he will look back to you and hoover you up for another shot.
If you haven’t improved enough then that’s your fault and you will be devalued and discarded again.
Until one day you crawl out with nothing and manage to go no contact, become a survivor and try to help other Victims get through it too.
There are undoubtedly Three Phases Of Abuse but always remember that the real person and the real character is the one who is capable of the cruel devalue stage.
To heal from this you must get your head around who this person is and not just what his disorder is, does or is capable of doing.
The nice person who love bombs is not real because it’s an act, an illusion and a fairytale tailor made just for you.
The one who discards you is real.
The one who hoovers you back is not real but that’s the act again.
A Narcissist is a very real person who is cruel, manipulative and unkind at best.
He has no conscience which is why you can’t beat him at his own game because you can only win by not playing.
You can’t expose him in a satisfyingly and a successful way because people that have not experienced this can’t wrap their heads around how depraved and premeditated it all is.
Especially if they only know the illusion character, the one who love bombs.
Decent people can’t conceive someone who acts so normal, kind, nice and loving to be so cruel.
I still struggle with understanding what and who The Narcissist I loved is and what he’s actually done so acquaintances have no hope.
A Narcissist will win.
He wins and he wins again.
You will only move on from this if you learn from the experience.
Find the lesson and love yourself first unconditionally.
Know your worth and set very strong personal boundaries about how you expect to be treated and never again allow those boundaries to be breached.
You have a weapon now.
You know what A Narcissist is, what he does, how to spot one and how to avoid him.
Use that weapon to help yourself and others. Empower yourself and that’s when you will win.